Master Cleanse Forum - Master Cleanser Lemonade Diet

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Monday Midday- OK, here's my story.....
My last cleanse was in January for ten days. During my cleanse I like to read as many posts on this forum as I can.(It really helps me!) My weight loss journey is no where near it's end, but I'm not currently cleansing.
I've tried reading some other weight loss forums but this is by far my favorite and the one I always come back to. I've been wanting to find a place to post my thoughts as I push my way through this, but I couldn't find a forum that I loved like this one. Soooooooooo, Here I am, posting, hoping that it's OK with all the current MCers if I join you even though I'm not actually drinking the Lemonade at this time. I've been reading all of your journeys since the beginning of the year and I want to be able to reply to your posts and give you some encouragement as you've given me, even though you don't know I've been here.

I've been cleansing since November of 2009! My first attempt was for 12 days and I didn't want to stop, but I had a trip to Vegas planned and there was no way I was going to miss out on the buffets.
I've done several short 10days, one 21 days, and one 28 days. After the 28 days, I swore I would never do another longer than 14 days. Well, that story is for another day.

I fell into the MC by coincidence and never really intended it to be a part of my life.
(Begin the romantic, soft guitar music in the background.)
It was the fall of 2009, my High School reunion had just passed and I had reacquainted with some old friends who I missed more than I realized. Everyone asked me if I was on facebook, I said No, but I quickly realized that I would need to be if I planned on maintaining these newly found friends. So i joined up and got familiar with the "status updates."
One morning, a very smart, liked, and attractive friend, posted that she was beginning the MC. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but I quickly learned. Every day she would post about her struggles and hardships with the MC. As she continued to post on a regular basis, other mutual friends would leave quick comments about their attempts in the past to complete the MC. My curiosity was peeked and I decided to see what this Master Cleanse was all about, and so began my relationship with Stanley Burroughs' Master Cleanse.

My Journey at this time:
I began this year(2012) weighing 165 lbs. I'm only 5'2" and that weight is not very attractive, but worst of all, it is not nice on my joints or small feet.
I began a 10 day MC on January 8th, on which I lost 10 lbs. I have been able to maintain that weight since.
I have a plan. A plan to lose 40 lbs in 2012. I began the year at 165, but will end it at 125.
I'm in a wedding in August, my plan is to be at 135 by then. Sound crazy? I hope not.
Remember, I have a plan.
I've read so many posts on here and read many books on weight loss that I'm confident I'm equipped with the knowledge to accomplish what I seek, now it's just a matter of physically being capable of doing it.
But isn't that where the hard part is? Isn't that where we all really struggle? Most of us already know how to lose weight and maintain it off, but can we do it? I've yet to, until now.

My plan is to maintain the current weight of 155 lbs for a couple of months while I get more into exercising and rev up my metabolism. After I will do a low calorie(1200-1700) diet with exercise to lose weight. At the end of May I plan on doing another 10 day MC, to be followed by maintenance until July when it's back to the low cal and exercise to get me to 135 by the beginning of August for the wedding. After the wedding it's maintaining for a while, then low cal to get me to 125 by the beginning of December. I want to be able to enjoy the holidays but I don't plan on eating for 3 or 4 like I normally would.
In January, I hope to do another 10 day MC.

Why so planned out?
Because I really, really, really need to do this. It's time. And having it spelled out and written down helps to keep me focused.
I weighed myself at the beginning of the cleanse, after, and on February 1st.
I plan on weighing in and taking my measurements the first of every month. No other time! If I weigh myself more ofter than that, I tend to get obsessed and it gets me off tract. At least that's how it's been in the past. It's time for a change.
Why am I even weighing myself at all if it messes with my mind?
I figured once a month is good to ensure I'm on track with my plan. If something isn't working, the weigh in can give me some guidance to either take it down a notch or rev it up and put some more work into it.
At least that's the plan. Lets hope it works.

I'm still here. Going......kinda......strong. The past 24 hours have been one of those that makes me want to eat my weight in pepperoni pizza, or cheeseburgers and fries, or cookies n cream ice cream, or fried chicken.
I've been doing my best to stay positive and not eat everything in sight, but this is one of the reasons that makes it so hard for me to lose weight.

STRESS EATING

All my life food has been something used to bring me comfort. As a child I can remember my family giving me food to make me be quiet. If I said I wasn't hungry, it was taken to mean there was something wrong and so I was "encouraged" to eat with even more vigor. When I got hurt, food. If I took a nap woke up to food. If there was any sort of reason to celebrate= food. It wasn't as if we always had a lot of food to eat, in fact we didn't, but there was always something that was edible and so, always something to consume.
I've come to realize that these things have followed me to adult hood. Some have been intensified and others have evolved into something truly unhealthy. For example, if for any reason, any reason at all, I feel like a friend or relative is upset with me or upset about whatever, I think that if I let them feed me then that makes it all better. The world is right again as long as I stuff my face until I can't breathe. Seeing me eat brings them so much happiness, because I possess such powers. I realize in my conscious mind that this idea is beyond ridiculous, but inside it's still a belief I hold to be tried and true. How freakin crazy am I??? Having people upset around me, stresses me out.

Back to stress eating.....
Whenever I'm sad, upset, mad, angry, confused, or have any emotion that isn't positive, I immediately want to eat. The act of eating gives me relief and something to do. It doesn't have to be junk food or sugary food, it just has to be food. I have other ways of "self soothing" but this is the one I come back to if I'm lazy, bored, or crying in addition to feeling the negative feeling. I recognize now that the reason is in part Self Sabotage, but that is a topic for another day's post................
Even now, as I'm working on maintaining my weight since my last MC by Somersizing, I'm still stuffing my face. That's part of the reason why I chose Somersizing, because I CAN stuff my face and not gain weight back. There have been times where the only thing appropriate to eat in the house is lettuce, you would think I would serve myself a nice regular bowl and enjoy a healthy salad. Wrong!! I consume every single morsel of lettuce there is. No matter what! That's crazy! I know it is! I recognize it! Have I been able to change it? Nope.

I have to say that for me, recognizing it is a step in the right direction. This year I'm determined to face my issues head on, and see the real me in the mirror. I'm a healthy, slim, sexy person! I like to think I am, but the outside never reflects the inside. Time to be the person I always wanted to be. Time to put THOUGHTS into actions! No more just saying I'm going to do something and never following through! If I'm going to preach to my family, friends, and coworkers about eating and living healthy, then I better set the example!
My Fairy godmother isn't going to magically turn me into the woman I envision. I have to do it, or it will never get done.

Okay, that was me trying to bring myself up. I often need a little pep talk and writing it down is the strongest form of "kicking my own ass" I know so far. It's quite therapeutic I'm learning.

Hiding? Who's hiding? hehehehe
It felt weird starting to post on the other since I'm actually in between MCs.
Thanks for stopping by Chrissy. That's definitely one negative about posting here, not many visitors to give encouragement. But I will start a new one on the other in May when I do my MC.

Boy! Today has been a tough one and it's not even 11am!!!
Times are stressful in a lot of areas of my life and my friend, food has turned it's back on me.
Yesterday I ate some pizza and thought I could have a relaxing evening to refresh me for today and the coming weekend. It didn't work. I didn't sleep well and I've been having dreams that leave me feeling low. It especially sucks because I often look to my dreams for escape.
Today all I've had is coffee. (Decaf of course) I know I need to eat something that will give me energy and bring my mood back to normal. But there's nothing I want. I know this feeling is also in part PMS, but I hate being a slave to my hormones. HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!!!!!
I've been to the kitchen hundreds of times already looking for something to eat. I don't want anything that is Somersize appropriate. I keep thinking that a certain food (that is a bad combination)will make me feel better, then I get upset with myself for falling into that old trap. At one point, I grabbed a bag of Oreo cookies and thought about stuffing my face and making myself feel better with a sugar high. I remembered what it's like to eat them and realized that, it never really makes me feel better. Guilt is stronger than any sugar high. I didn't eat them and I don't want them. I forced myself to make some yummy veggie soup like the kind I make when easing out. It's sitting on the stove ready to eat. I don't want it. I thought if I stuff myself full of soft veggies, It will not only make me feel better but it will help my tummy push out the pizza I had yesterday.

[I should add at this point that eating pizza doesn't ruin my Somersize for me. It causes and imbalance but as long as I don't do it every day, 3 meals a day. I don't gain weight.]

Okay. Somethings gotta give!!! It's sunny outside, I'm going to force myself to go for a walk, get some vitamin D, de-stress a little, and hopefully find my equilibrium.
Got to remember:
Just push through and I will come out the better on the other side.
Food really doesn't taste sweet when you're feeling bitter inside.
I'm in charge of my destiny. Got to stop bitchin, get my ass up, and do something. ANYTHING!!!
Alright, here I go. Be back later.

Crisis averted! I feel a little better now.
I went for a walk, came back, forced myself to have 2 bowls of soup, and now I'm trying to keep busy.
(Forced because I didn't really want any, but I knew I needed to eat. Veggie soup is better than all the other things I was considering.)

I thought I would take a moment to write about why I love doing the MC.
Oh MC, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height."........hehehe OK, time to get serious.

It is very hard for me to not eat. I recognize now that my psychological and emotional need for food goes way too deep for me to get rid of it by doing a couple or more MCs a year. I see now that my relationship with food is going to take many years of work before I can finally say,
"I'M FREE! I'M HAPPY! I ONLY NEED TO EAT THE MINIMUM REQUIRED!"

I did not think this 2 years ago when I did my first MC. This brings me to reason #1 of why I love doing the MC. For lack of a better word, the MC (when done right) is a very spiritual experience. I feel like I've gotten to know myself better as a person, woman, friend, sister, daughter, niece, wife, mother, etc......
There's a clarity and quite euphoric feeling that comes over me after cleansing for a while. I've come to recognize that it only comes after day 9 for me. That's why whenever any friend/family tell me they are going to try it, I always make a big deal about telling them to do their best to do AT LEAST 10 days. Because that's when all the GREAT stuff happens!

I love that when I'm MCing, I sleep like a freakin baby!! My very first MC I started having the "food" dreams around day 3. They're so vivid and kinda scary. hahaha Now when I MC I don't have those dreams, but I rest and wake up full of energy. That's another thing, how can I have so much energy from just drinking lemonade all day? It can't all be from the sugar, right? It's crazy! Sooo much energy! All I know is, I'm full of energy all day, and I sleep soundly at night. Thank you MC!

I love feeling so light when I MC. Even if I'm not losing a lot of weight, I feel amazing! I'm not weighed down by food in my tummy, I stand up taller, walk with confidence, and smile more. I really do love drinking that lemonade.

I love waking up every morning and feeling proud of myself for having made it another day. I don't like feeling like I can't accomplish something I set my mind to. Those feelings really tear me up, so when i set my mind to MC for x number of days, each day I complete makes me a stronger ME. The feeling in the morning is very powerful, like if I can go this many days with out the thing I love most (food) then I can do anything i set my mind to. No matter what it is!!!! Powerful stuff.

Another thing I love about the MC is that stuff comes out even weeks after not eating solid food. How is that possible??!!! So much waste i carry inside me! It's gross, but i get a little excited looking inside the bowl, after I've gone, to see that I'm riding my body of really gross stuff. Never had worms come out (Thank goodness!) like some other MCers, but still some gross looking doodoo.

One may wonder why, if I love doing the MC so much, I don't do it more often? 2 simple reasons:
1)Stanley Burroughs says to wait at least 4 months in between cleanses. It gives me comfort to follow the rules as they have been spelled out for me.
and
2) As I mentioned before, My psychological and emotional need for food is rooted deep in me. I've learned that if I try to restrict myself for too long, I come out of it worse. I can ease out with the best of them, but after my system is ready I eat like there is no tomorrow. At least that's how it's been in the past.

NOW AND FOREVER MORE, I VOW TO ONLY DO THE MC TWICE A YEAR

I don't want to stay on the weight gain/weight loss roller coaster anymore.
The MC is part of my plan to get to and maintain a healthy weight for the rest of my life, but not my only recourse. I love the MC and I don't want to abuse it's power anymore!

Here's to the rest of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Friday, yay!!!!
Last weekend was great for me. After the hard days there at the end, I ended up getting some great exercise that totally revived me. I'm already planning out my jog/walk for tomorrow morning. Getting myself out of bed is the hardest thing ever, but once I'm up and out I feel great. I do love endorphins!

Moment of confession:
I've been having a very tough time the past couple of weeks. For the most part, I've been sticking to my eating plan, but there have been some off meals that weren't scheduled. I can't believe it, but I'm already bored with Somersizing. What I really want to do is the MC, but I'm not ready for that yet. So i think I'm going to jump into low calorie eating for the first 2 weeks of March, just to switch it up a little, then I'll go back to Somersize.
I've been wanting food that normally I wouldn't want, but since it's not part of my plan, I want it bad.
I choose to believe there are 2 MAIN reasons why I'm struggling with this right now, THIS VERY MOMENT.

1) I believe my body is fighting the change. It's saying,
"I don't want to get smaller! I want to stay the way I am! You can't make me change!!!!"
I recognize this is normal and for others it's usually when they plateau, that is why I purposefully scheduled plateau weeks into my year long plan, but for me it means fighting that need/desire/compulsive disorder to stuff my face.

2) The second reason I recognize, is one that I kind of think a lot of others can relate to, Self-Sabotage.
What can I say about Self-Sabotage? We go back a long time. I can pin point so many instances in my life where I Self-Sabotaged, it's pathetic. In the last several years I can even pin point situations where I was aware that I was doing it, but still couldn't stop. Things from romantic relationships, friends, family, school, weight loss, exercise, etc... You name it, I've sabotaged it!
I think there are many reasons and unfortunately, recognizing them doesn't necessarily mean you're ready to let them go.
Does it begin naturally within our own personal temperament? Is it something that our parents/family begun within us at a young age? Was it our particular neighborhood and the kids (or no kids) we grew up with? Was it the schools we attended?
I used to know someone who was very, very skinny as a child and her size was constantly being discussed within her family. Was she eating enough? Was she sick? This led her to eating and gaining weight, because at least this way people stopped talking about her.
I used to know someone who was the opposite, always on the heavy side since she was a baby. She used to try to lose weight, but her parents(who were also heavy) would take that as a sign that she thought herself better than them, or that she wanted to be different than her own family. She couldn't stand to upset her parents and so for a long time she would lose weight, only to gain it right back and then some.
I also knew someone who would lose weight and gain it back on a regular basis, because she loved the attention she would get.

What about me? Well, there's the typical; always the ugly duckling of the bunch, too skinny in some circles, too big in others, never quite found a perfect fit, disapproving mother, no father, bad luck in relationships, loner, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture.

So how am I to move past this? How does one stop self-sabotaging? Is it even possible after a certain age?
Some books begin by saying that we must learn to love ourselves. There's even some exercises recommended to help the process along. What if you've tried all these, and after a while you just go back? How can you make it stick?
What if you're doing great, you're feeling happy and strong, and then something happens? Lets say it, "someone" happens, and you break apart all over again. You thought you'd taken control back, and that they couldn't make you turn your back on your diet or exercise plan again, but one word, look, email, letter, call, or carrier pigeon from them, and you're off the wagon.

What is it about them that makes you want to Sabotage all your great effort? Is it always going to be like that? Are some people in our lives always going to bring out the Self-Sabotage gene out of us? Does everyone struggle with Self-Sabotage, or just those of us who struggle with weight?
I keep saying it and still can't make the change,
"Weight is only a symptom!"
I know this, I recognize the big issues. Now what can I do to push through this wall?

I don't know. I just don't have the answer yet. These days I'm barely keeping my head above water. I know, I know, just don't give up and the happy days will come. But damn it!!!! I want a friggin cheeseburger! My body and brain are saying if I eat a cheeseburger all will be right again. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

It's been almost 2 months since this journey begun, and I can't believe it. In the grand scheme it seems like nothing, but if I look back, it's been a long time. It's been 2 months of mind and body focusing on this. I can't quit now. I've only just begun, not to take my life back, because I've always struggled with my weight/image. But only just begun to let the real me inside come out!!

Here's to the real us!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a great day!
I'm actually looking forward to weighing myself on Thursday the 1st. My plan has been to maintain the weight loss from my last MC in January, but I can't help but hope I've lost at least a few more lbs.
I had a great workout this morning! Kicked my butt!!! My legs are still sore.
I've had a very productive day and I'm excited to move into a low calorie diet the next few weeks. I still love Somersizing, it's my go-to for maintaining, but I'm looking forward to switching it up for a bit.

My friend is attempting the MC this coming week. I spent a good hour talking her ear off about the dos and don'ts, I told her I was kind of jealous because I love the MC so much. She thought I was crazy.

I was reading an article online about how losing weight is similar to parenting a difficult child/children. I found it interesting, but what I understood from it is that it's not enough to just think positive and try to avoid the pitfalls, one has to take the initiative to learn the correct way to do things. One must be willing to put in the work.
Positive thinking wont get you anywhere for very long if you don't do the "leg" work.

Chrissy left me with something to think about.
She's a wise one!
I'm off to ponder her question.........

As scheduled, today is weigh in and measure day.
I was able to maintain my weight! Since my MC in January I haven't gained or lost any weight. I feel pretty accomplished by that.
I wont lie though, I feel kind of disappointed not to have lost any more weight. I knew this might happen! The disappointment! Uurgg!!! I have to push through this feeling and remember the long term goal!!!

40 LBS IN 12 MONTHS!!!!
Not 40lbs in 2.

I'm right on schedule to my overall goal and so... must...........
"KEEP................. MOVING.................... FORWARD!"
(yes, just watched Meet the Robinsons)

As far as my measurements.....
My curvy-ness has not budged a centimeter, but my legs and arms are definitely getting toner. Yay!!
My clothes are definitely fitting better and I'm using my "smaller" jeans. Woohoo!!
I'm going to take out my "skinny jeans" this weekend, wash them, and have them ready.
My face still looks fat thought, and that sucks!

*WHY IS IT GOOD TO LOSE THE WEIGHT SLOWLY?*

Well, here's what I've learned:
In the past when I've lost a good amount of weight in a short time (like on the MC) I get a lot of attention. From most people it is all positive and that creates this cycle in me that is not positive. I enjoy all the compliments and people are so amazed that I could do it. So what do I do? I gain the weight back, because when I lose it again.......(you following me?) MORE COMPLIMENTS!!! I thrive off the positive feedback from others. BAD ME! BAD ME! BAD!
Then, there is one person who only says negative things. When they see I've lost weight, they start giving the opposite of positive compliments. Their reasons? Doesn't matter!
For me, if the weight loss isn't too dramatic then I wont be feeding off other people's comments. ("feeding"=poor choice of word or one of those Freudian/right on kind?)

Another reason why is because when I see that I'm losing weight well, I think it's OK to eat because I already know I CAN lose the weight. So I choose to enjoy the foods I love, thinking "I'll diet next week!" "I'll be doing the MC next month anyways!" "I might gain a lbs from this, but I'll lose 10 or more on the MC!" "I'm working hard, I should eat what I want!" "I can burn this off on a long jog/walk this weekend!" etc...........
The excuses never end. I could fill a whole book with excuses I give myself.

So why is this year different?

Because It has to be! I can't keep living like this! I'm absolutely tired of being unhappy!
It's not like I truly believe skinny people are happier than fat people, that's not always the case, it's just that for me, the weight is just a symptom.
A symptom of the unhappiness I'm truly feeling deep inside. It's not just the tiredness, lazy feeling, bored, or sick feeling. It is truly, deep rooted, got me by the throat, drowning, can't see the light, hopeless unhappiness.
Half the battle is physical. I know that by eating well and exercising, I'm on the right path to maintaining my happiness and sustaining long, healthy relationships with the people that surround me.

I'm on the right path. Just can't let anything or anyone veer me away from it.
Here's to our Happiness!!!!