Master Cleanse Forum - Master Cleanser Lemonade Diet

Day 3 Master Cleanse



So; sure enough, at a new Ramen place to eat with Mister Squee and I am facing this huge piece of "decoration" which says RAMEN and above it is a Pig carved. It must be about six feet tall. My eyes kept drifting there and I kept getting disturbed. I have a terrible sensitivity to people eating pigs. Worse than any of the others. Almost as bad as if they served dog. Speciesism sucks!




I knew sweet pigs on our ranch. And ... I have asked my Mom what they were thinking to have kids on a working ranch with the cattle, the pigs, the geese, the rabbits, the chickens. She got disturbed but not enough to change. Last time she was here, she was eating a bowl of rice with veggies and she said, "I'm sorry to eat this in front of you, I know it disgusts you." I was all, "What the cluck!?" SAD Zombies have a devil of a time understanding what a vegetarian eats, or a vegan or a raw vegan that is fruity.




Luckily my ordering hot tea isn't a sticking point. But he does say as he waiter leaves, "You know they have Vegan things here. It was on the menu." I say, "Vegetarian Sweetheart, not Vegan." Walk very very softly and don't carry a stick. You don't need a stick, Lure them with your success!







I mean. My eyes drift to what here on the menu? The deep fried brussels sprouts? (what did Brussels Sprouts ever do to you, you crazy mofos!?) The edamame? The rice? All cooked. KOOKED. I don't do that. A nice girl like me in a place like this? I came for the company. It's really nice to be dressed pretty and wearing a great hat and being out with him since he is a Sexy Beast! And it's funny how bright I am already. Mentally and my skin is already that Master Cleanse bright that nothing else comes close to. I mean banana island is a close second.




But today only on Day 3 .... Way less swelling, much less pain. My pain tolerance is too high. It is that way from having years of pain and injuries, culmination with the electrocution which left my Trigeminal Nerve fried and Neuralgic.




The problem with having a high pain tolerance is that I shoulda been on the MC about ... 10-14 days before I actually was on it. The delay was very much ... "No the pain isn't that bad, and I have watermelons and lettuce I need to finish." Stupid brain! So seriously ridiculous because the pain just kept creeping up on me til it became unbearable and the mental health repercussions of that are not good. Not. Good.




So I vow to never delay again. Repercussions is such a great word. Now I must see if the Grim Reaper is associated with that word. I mean, I pay 50 cents for a watermelon. No logic, the great gift of the human brain fully washed!




Anyhow I had two servings of lemonade with me, which I didn't need til we got to the car. Then I needed it. I have learned no matter what that when we go anywhere on the MC, I bring lemonade and I fully glut myself before we go.




I am really thinking that here in the beginning more is more. Having at least 12 servings is so helpful. It stabilizes me. And I don't think it effects weight loss or the speed of the detox. One of the most successful 40 day cleansers on youtube did a minimum of 12 drinks a day and she looks amazing after and didn't regain and turned Vegan. This might be a weak argument as what tends to happen is that my ability to finish large amounts of lemonade eases off as I go deeper into the cleanse. I have had the lemonade turn on me also, twice. Not even sure what that means, but it isn't pleasant and causes stress and pain ... screws it all up.




So right now I am resting in a slightly darkened bedroom. I have been very very kind to myself as the detox feelings come up. Which is a key to success. On this cleanse I can feel like poo on the bottom of a shoe and then one hour later feel like I can fly.

Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Coping with symptoms of detox so you do not give in and give up







Realize cravings are time limited. They last 5-15 minutes. You can do something else to distract yourself or set a timer and realize this is true. Or heck; Both! Swear to you, 15 minute max.




Distraction! Netflix, a book, a magazine, hopefully one that makes you laugh.




Laughter ... give yourself the laff




Dry skin brushing followed by a cold shower




Put on fresh clothes or a crazier outfit.




Bach's rescue remedy. In every form ... seriously.




Monitor the pain level and act before it gets high. Use cold packs, hot packs, water, Epsom salts, cold showers, dry brushing, oil pulling. Breathing. stretching. More breathing. Breathe like it is 1999.




Prayer. Be Bold and Mighty Forces will come to your Aid. Be bold (doesn't get any bolder than what we do here ...) Angels can't help you unless you ask for their help Buddy. And they are happy to help.




On Master Cleanse I have deal breakers ... I get to 10 days. But I do that one lemonade at a time. So if I feel like I can't stand it, I promise to do everything on the list before I breakdown and eat food. (and you better believe I have to eat oranges first!)




One amazing piece of advice I gleaned early on was "No matter what on the Master Cleanse DO NOT EAT." Such hilarious and yet true advice. I love stuff that makes me laugh. I need that on a t-shirt actually!




Olfaction. Put something lovely smelling on your clothes or pillow. Olfaction sense of smell can yank people out of panic attacks and even something as serious as benzo withdrawal. It blocks a rage reaction coming as deep as your Limbic Lobe. That is very powerful. Now of course stay away from the skin if you can ...




List of projects. My house is never as clean as it is during a MC.




Lots of this I do unconsciously ... over time I have learned.




Call a friend. Call your Mom. Call someone. You don't even need to talk about your problem, just the very act of reaching out is helpful You can talk about the weather to a stranger even and it will break up destructive thought patterns.




Enema.




Read about the MC. Watch youtube videos about MC.




Write




Recognize and relax into the fact that it will hurt. There's so many things that hurt in this life. You wanna get really good at not reacting as if everything is a cake walk, a raw vegan cake walk. Some things can be hard and you will get stronger each time you refuse to cave.




Lock yourself away from the kitchen. The kitchen is closed! No, no food. You know if you are on the brink, so get to safety! Get away from the scene of the crime




If you are too cold or too hot address this issue! It leads to a lot of unnecessary pain. Coats and nakedness will be required.




Think pleasant thoughts. Make a list of everything in your life that you love. This is very energizing.




Projects ... make something, fix something ...

Continue the relentless education! Read read and read more!

Day 4 of the Master Cleanse has a typical fight started by Mister Squee. Every Master Cleanse I have done has a fight in it. He was mad cause the house got outta control because the first few days are so rough and I wasn't doing my normal routine.



The MC I go on ... also have several restaurants involved. In which I order hot tea. I never tell anyone in real life that I am on the Master Cleanse. Well. That is not exactly true. This one time, coming off the Perfect Gold Standard 40 day cleanse, I met with a friend I have known for probably 15 years. In that time she has struggled so so much with her weight. And because she wanted to be a dancer here in LA, that was a big deal.



I was so incredibly high when I came off that cleanse (and often during it) that when I met with her and she started to ask me why I looked like a lit up candle, I told her. I was very truthful about the whole thing. Extremely unusual for me.



And.



Can you guess what happened?



She talked about how she wanted to do it. I told her how to find the info. And the next time I saw her she was telling me that I looked great and about a new app on her phone that cost nothing in which you could have pinkberry and starbucks delivered to you at home for pennies! So she was doing that. "For comfort." The time after that, she was 15 pounds heavier. Maybe 20. And she mentioned her weight to me. She was suffering.



She's seen me suffer so much over my own weight in the last 15 years. She has seen it.



She uttered not a single word about master cleanse, or how I looked or anything. It was pretty uncomfortable, probably for both of us. The big ole Master Cleanse elephant in the room!



Often times I feel like I was put into a headlock by the forces of this Universe and been forced to change. Change or die.



I do wish though that I had a picture of her face when she asked me how long I had Master Cleansed, and I said do you really want to know? 40 days. She nearly lost it.



I guess this is seen as a crazy cleanse. But. Is it crazier than eating pinkberry and starbucks?

Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3 I threw up the SWF

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Day 5 140.2 No SWF, enema instead

Master Cleanse Day 5




I know better than to push a workout the way that I did today. But I felt tremendously strong. It was about 40 minutes of Gauntlet (rolling stairs, like an escalator that only goes up, stairway to heaven) and I pushed way too hard, doing double stairs and you know over all showing off. Cause I can.



It still blows my mind that I am well enough and that I recovered from Death's Door. So yeah. Advice I give you and probably will never take? Don't workout too hard or suffer the consequences. You won't listen, but I have to say it.



The consequences are that it increases detoxification symptoms. So I have metal mouth. Actually a little tingly mouth. Tastes like TIN of all things ... we had a tin roof when I was child ... so soothing listening to rain on tin! I have body pain that would knock most people down. Nausea, dizziness, racing thoughts. Standard operating procedure.





.......... and breathe in to the count of five, breathe out to the count of ten.




I also started my period. And do not get me wrong I am thrilled with the vast improvements in Aunt Flo, the Crimson Tide, Arts and Crafts week at Panty Camp. You know. What I am trying to say is that Miss Scarlett has returned to Tara. Shark week is now shark day and a half. But the fact I have any cramps left at all, just annoys me more than Ashton Krutcher trying to blame apples and not cocaine for his health problems.



(As an aside there's 5,000 words for the Girl Flu. I mean; menstruation. English has the most euphemisms and Costa Rica the least. How weird is that?)



I drank lots of lovely lemonade today (15?) and all of it used lemons off the trees here. Organic, local, one half a block away ... hand picked by yours truly. Even carried home by me! So that's some powerful stuff. But no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. It's hard being a human when you expect something you are doing to hurt, but your brain won't allow you access to just how it will hurt. The memory loss on Master Cleanse is dramatic. It's all coming back to me now.



I didn't do salt water flush this morning. I did an enema.



I was also crazy hungry today. For a short period of time. See what I did there? (points at the joke ...)



Let's be honest. Lettuce be honest. This pain is nothing compared to the pain I was putting up right before I started this Master Cleanse round six. That pain is now ... 50% improved. Yesterday it felt for a short time like I was in a fight and someone punched my kidneys. Rude! There's a kind of deep healing sleep that I get on MC that I think is very helpful.



You always wanna leave a cleanse while feeling better and never while worse. Because if you leave while feeling horrific, it doesn't help anyhow. Telling myself; It won't stop the horror, hoor. (ok that made me laugh)



It isn't like you eat XYZ and feel better, You have to finish what you started cause the body is already in detox mode, has a job to do and its agenda is not to give up. It wants to heal you. Cause we're incredibly well built creatures designed to live pain free and with tremendous joy. Be a fruiter long enough and you will know that this is true. Heaven on Earth exists ... it's bananas, but it exists.



It's just a lonely process. Except the cats surround me when it gets bad. How do they know? I think they see pictures? I think they will come and purr loudly if they cas see me in trouble. I can hear them so much more today than I could 5 days ago. Maybe they hear my breathing change It is uncanny.



I asked Lazlo, youngest Siamese, why he wanted to be called Mister Fancy. Don't laugh, he's serious .. maybe it translates better in cat language that it does in English. He said He Gets No Respect! aww I miss Rodney Dangerfield!



When you are a fruitarian you lose your glucogen stores incredibly fast on Master Cleanser. Down 7 pounds in 5 days. Pretty darn fast. My arms have slimmed out. Read once that women lose weight from the top down and regain weight from the bottom up. I actually think that may be true. Once I have fat arms, it's time for drastic measures.



I have a sharpened jaw line, cheekbones out, and the tops I have that were too smallish are now bigger. Almost big. In Five dang days people. That is insane ...





I'm grateful that Hubs' Lean Cuisine diet, with corn flakes and so on makes me cook for him less. Makes me sad nonetheless.



Grateful and sad. Sounds about right.



OK off to ride the cotton pony ...



Joining the cast of Pad Men ...



(want some of my lemonade? I hear it's spicy.) How anyone can read this and find it motivating and think "Oh *that*all sounds great ... is currently beyond me. (it's not really though ... I mean seriously the MC is a dang miracle in addition to sometimes sucking the suck of suck!)

Some tips for the Master Cleanse



These are hard earned tips, so get ready to applaud!



Make all your drinks fresh and drink them within 7 minutes ideally. More enzymes will make a difference in your energy level. I know it is a pain in the rare-y-dare-y; butt; it seems to work well.



Drinking them ever so slightly warmed really helps. You want it to go straight in.



The more cayenne the better. The hotter the better. Within reason. You have to work your way up. Keep in mind it gets hotter the longer it is in liquid. SO if you have to pre-make it, add the cayenne later separately.



Use Lemons. The only real difference I have noticed is kind of a spoiled brat thing of; Freshly picked off a tree you know is best. I'm in California so I can say such nonsense to you.



I have not noticed a big difference in organic versus commercial lemons as far as results. The expense is insane for organic, but there's also the possibility that you may get better lemons; juicier. Try to pick the juiciest ones. Some have said that the organic ones actually do give them more juice.



Get enough drinks in you. Know that you will need many at the beginning and you may slack off a bit at the end of your cleanse but do not think less is more with the Master Cleanse. Best to have the minimum which is 12 drinks a day. Each lemon half has 2 tablespoons of juice, This ensures that you are getting 6 lemons in you a day. That seems to be a very powerful number as far as detoxification.



Do the lax tea at night and do the salt water flush in the morning. I have tried variances, and I honestly think the original works best.



Mint tea at night is actually lovely. You can do it during the day also if you want.



You need to still drink lots of water. If you are at all dehydrated your body will retain the salt water flush and that is not fun.



If you get really uncomfortable do an enema. A warm water enema. Do not suffer the re-tox. Just get rid of whatever is trying to beat you to death from the inside.



You really will not get dependent on laxatives on the Master Cleanse. I know people worry about that.



Don't let the scale rule you. This is a good tip overall. But keep in mind, we're raw and were fruity so we have massive amounts of lovely glycogen stored all the frick over us and as it leaves, it takes some weight out very fast. So don't take the weight loss too seriously if you are very thin and don't take it too seriously if you gain weight while Master Cleansing. If you have the balls, don't weigh yourself at all. (my balls have never been that big ...) (But I do practice safe scale sex ... which means I interact with it safely ... I know its tricks)



So basically don't get on the scale three times a day ok? Logical!



When you have energy, exercise. But lightly. Do not push too hard or you will pay.



Exercise outdoors if you can! In the sun if you can! Gardening is always great while in Master Cleanse land.



If the exercise starts to be too much, you need to slow your roll. Stop.



Yoga is amazing during MC.



Get your supplies all up front so you have no tension or worry about running out.



eBay has always been the cheapest place I could find maple syrup. New name for Grade B is Grade A, dark robust. If you drink 12 drinks a day that will be a gallon of syrup in 10 days. So stay ahead of that. SO you don't run out. Seen many a belly flop fail on master cleanse cause people run out of their supplies. HECK I have seen plenty of people fail raw and fruity living cause they refuse to stock up on fruit! I learned this lesson early and for me it is more like do not overbuy ... (but the flowers and garden get lots of good compost as I am learning!)



Try to avoid extra stress. Try to avoid. Unnecessary stress.



Stay away from negative people.



Try not to tell anyone you are on the Master Cleanse unless you know that they are too cool for school and will help you and not say a bunch of nonsense that will hurt you when you feel weak. It's weird how negative things can grab you by the neck when you get weak. But I have experienced it. If you need to go Internet silent, do so. If you need to write a lot ... that is good too.



Read as much as you can about the cleanse. It helps so much. Original source and Tom Woloshyn, all good!






Do not leave the house without the drink. Ever. Seriously. So many fasters lose their minds this way. You will be surrounded by food wherever you go. So you need the energy to resist it.



Use your sense of smell if you can handle it. In the end, smelling something is as good as eating it.



For me, in the beginning I feel ravenous, and drink lots and then at 5-6 pm it is like a switch in my body flips and I just don't want anymore. So listen to your body.



If you are about to crash and burn, take a spoonful of maple syrup. Straight up. You will probably feel better in less than 20 seconds.



Skin brushing, cold showers, oil pulling all very useful tools!



Stay away from restaurants if you need to. Or go for the company. You know "I have a stomach ache" is good if you need an excuse. This is good, this fast because it allows you to really get to know yourself and tell yourself the truth. It takes away your emotional crutch (aka Eating) and you get to heal some really deep things.



Remember it is worth it. 100%.

So when I was starting the MC again, 6th time, I was looking out there for motivation. A spark. Something that would push me into action. I watched a few youtube videos, recent ones in which people gave up on Day 3. Day 3 is widely rumored to be the hardest day because that my friends, is that day that digestion shuts off. The body really would prefer you to not shut off the food hoses. So it causes you a lot of anxiety, pain, discomfort and the brain and nose are on fire with cravings. If you do enemas, the digestion shuts off even quicker. The brain throws a fit when it doesn't get what it wants and activates primitive brain function, like your limbic lobe. Sense of smell amplifies to the moon.




Anyhow, why would anyone do this ... again?




Because it's a deep healing modality. You wanna clear out the muck? Spiritual, emotional, physical muck? Lemons.




I had the lemons, the cayenne, the maple syrup. If you wanna stay raw use freshly made cane sugar juice or coconut nectar.




The fact is it is worth all the trouble and pain.




A cyst on my right hand vanished

5 gall stones so far on Day 6 and I have had hundreds release during my Master Cleanses

Intense pure clean energy ... I taught myself to skateboard, I was running again. Understand I was so sick that three years ago and some change I was on Bed Rest. I used to Google "How do I get off bed rest?"

Soft baby skin that glows from within and always by Day 2

Longer hair almost instantly and incredibly shiny

Whites of the eyes get very bright

My feet shrank a full size

My head went down a hat size (CRAZY!)

Many rope worms released







When you shut off digestion, you stop being starving hungry all the time. This is why you do not add pulp to your juice. You want digestion in a deep deep cozy sleep. You don't wanna taste anything that wakes up the Beast. This is why people on a green juice fast have juices that are triple strained. You want nothing but liquid in a juice fast, or you stay very hungry. As the fast continues past the point digestion is switched off; the body starts to heal what you cannot even see.'







None of my expectations are realistic and that is why they will all happen. Look at what has happened so far .... Expect miracles.




ps. and I bought myself a new dress online to reward myself for seven days well played! It's a vintage look alike, 1940's style. I have three of these dresses now all in different colors and prints because it is such a flattering dress. Was hard to find too!





Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3 I threw up the SWF

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Day 5 140.2 No SWF, enema instead

Day 6 141.1 SWF as usual, feel much better

Day 7 139.8 massive rope worm elimination in morning

Day 8 139.2

Winner Winner Lemon Dinner!



I made it to day 10.



So happy! So relieved. Holy cayenne pepper that was rough.



The lemonade is currently disgusting and has been for three days. I have only been managing to get in 6 a day and that is heavily spaced out thru the morning and early afternoon. But I think it is fine. It's ok. Sustainable even.



On Day 8, I lost 3.1 pounds all at once. I could actually feel it happening. not to mention I was up peeing and with the butt pee all night. I was exhausted by morning. Pee and Be Free! Peedom is Freedom! All we are saying is give Pee a chance.



Some of that weight came back but I don't really take it seriously or let it slow my roll.



Everything is groovy baby. I just got back from again the ramen place with the hubs. I had green tea. I'm super sensitive to any caffeine and so it currently feels like I am a flying eagle. Probably not good but I have to do something to not go insane in these situations. At least this time I sat with my back to the Giant Pig sign. And Hubs had fun eating the ramen. This place, the noodles must be shaped differently cause the ramen broth kinda like flops all over the place. Welcome to being splashed with food. Still fun to get nicely dressed and be out amongst the people of South Pasadena, California. Those sexy beasts!



How do you go to a restaurant and not eat and be ok? You just do. Focus your attention on the conversation. As for more water. Go to the restroom. Bring lemonade. Everything will be fine. It's not ideal, but seriously, what is? I like being out and about. And I have self control. Eyes on the prize.




Having regrets about what I ate to get the weight back on. Just overall too much food, not bad food, just too much and today I was mad at myself for doing that, again. I promised last MC to not let it happen and here we freakin' are. Time for weighing often and food journals when this one is over. I will always love the Master Cleanse but the first ten days are brutal.


Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3 I threw up the SWF

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Day 5 140.2 No SWF, enema instead

Day 6 141.1 SWF as usual, feel much better

Day 7 139.8 massive rope worm elimination in morning

Day 8 139.2

Day 9 136.1 what a crazy night, so much getting up for the butt pee and fought off major demons last night

Day 10 136.9

Master Cleanse Day 11




A couple of things.




At night I have had moments of extreme hunger. I ice my belly with ice packs and it helps a great deal. I stop moving around and I rest. I let the Earth really hold the weight of my body.




It's important to remind myself of the pain I had right before I started this. It was horrible. It was like my body was on fire with swelling and pain. My shoulders hurt so bad I could cry remembering it. It is easily 50% decreased so far.




I cut the holy heck outta my left index finger with a razor cutter when I was cutting fabric recently. I think the thing that stopped the mini pizza cutter mechanism was actually the bone in my finger. I shoulda gone to the Doctor, but I really already knew how useless that would be. I'd be 2000 dollars poorer for it and honestly they would probably mess it all up. So I used a massive onslaught of Vitamin K, and rutin in the form of vitamixed asparagus. Massive amounts; 5 huge bunches in 3 days. It worked.




The finger healed at a crazy remarkable rate. Understand I had to kind bandage my finger meat back together! I said finger meat. Graphic.




In fact, now that it had healed, I said to hubs recently that this left index finger is now my best finger. That cutting it actually made it more attractive. The nail is longer and stronger than I ever remember it being. And it kinda changed the shape. In a good way. He said, "Maybe is an actual technique to create attractive fingers." I had to laugh. *whispers* but what if he is right?




In the midst of that finger cutting incident he asked me if I thought it would leave a scar, I said no. Cause I know fruity healing and it is like being wolverine.




The thing is that 10 days ago that finger (which I cut nerves in .... sliced the nerves in half in fact) had not begun to heal. The nerves were still really angry. Any touch was driving me a bit whacko. It felt like it was still cut. Finger meat all over this towne!




And now? 10 days on MC and there is a place in the fingertip that is about one eighth of an inch round that still feels a bit weird. like a 5 on a scale of 19. It was a full inch and a half pre-current master cleanse. That is amazing to me. The nerves are healing themselves as I am over here drinking lemonade.



People won't believe it maybe. Master Cleanse as a healing modality because it has been so misused and frankly misunderstood. It's easy to bad mouth what you have never done. I know I bad mouthed it, before I tried it. When I tried it I only tried cause I knew it wouldn't work. Then it did.




And I believe that same thing can be applied to mono fruit fasts, colon cleanses, juice fasts and almost all the modalities we talk about here. Intention matters. Your mind is powerful too. I saw my skin turn the color of liquid paper today and after a quick water enema, the color all came back.




Resting digestion, forcing it to take a nap is powerful medicine. Because human bodies are remarkably self healing when you get out of the way. Even though a knowledgeable plan of liquidized asparagus worked to mend the finger back into a non-bloody mess; a fast is better. A fast is faster. Way way faster.




The other creepy thing is that I have wanted the strangest things. Cravings for animal products always signal parasites to me. And wanting wheat flour. My brain told me I wanted saltines early. What what? I let the cravings be there. And they fade in less than 15 minutes. But they are funny things. Some say they are connected to the cells that are being detoxified.




So I guess I am detoxing animal products. And flour.




Do not eat.




And when you do, make it part of the plan.




I'm remembering hilarious things today. I once knew a girl who worked at a War Memorial Museum. One day she was injured because a bomb (not a live one obviously) tipped over on her. I used to sing to her; "You dropped a bomb on me, Baby." The first time I sang it to her I wasn't really sure if she might laugh or cry! She laughed!




Laughing makes everything better. Do as much of it as you can. Daily servings.

It's groundhog day and my friend wonders out loud if it will be an early Spring.

"It will! It will!" I say. I know cause I have been walking around and out running and the flowers told me. Specifically the pansies told me. Being fruitarian is amazing. You don't even need a groundhog, but they are nice to have around you know? Plus they are all friends with Bill Murray.

The only trouble is that it can get a bit overwhelming on a Master Cleanse. Because you feel like you can read minds. Or rather, I do. All day today people stared at me. Like heavy eye contact. So much so that Mister Squee noticed. He's been more touchy feely with me too. It's the high vibration. People would never believe it, but they respond like this every single time. I have to control myself. Because the highs are so so much higher than ordinarily. And they are already stupidly high on a high banana 90-5-5.

Tie my foot to a lemon tree because I am floating up into the sky. You won't be able to find me again, unless you tether me. I can fly. It's involuntary.

The best benefit of MC remains the ability to tune to pure Spirit. Like a radio set to KFF-GOD or Angel Central. So awesome.

I read an article today on the MC where a "nutritionist" claimed that people feeling high and amazing on a MC was all about their happiness over losing weight. Think again little miss everything in moderation. Little Miss you need protein. It's connection with source. It's being able to see things you would never see "in real life." And yet, this is real life. It's alkalinity.

Cat Lazlo usually so shy and PTSD-y has been snuggling on my lap three separate times today. He is just happy to soak up the lemoney good love. I look at him and say, "Oh Lazlo, no one knows about the Love I have in my heart for your heart. It's girl heart to cat heart love! Such Big Love! My heart to your heart!"
I touch his heart and my heart. He seems to understand.

Day 13 Master Cleanse.



It was free adoption day at the Humane Society and I found a kitty I was very interested in. I saw his irresistible picture online. Which means I dragged Mister Squee to the pound with me. On a Master Cleanse. On a high. With super extra terrestrial fruit queen powers. It's like being ... skinless and ... super sensitive ... water permeable but with feelings and emotions. I can't recommend this to you at all.




I got overwhelmed and now I just need to cry. Hard. Like sob. I would feel better after I did that, but I cant quite get there cause my stomach is trying to stab me to death from the inside. *stabba stabba!*




And in the end, said kitty had already been adopted, it was not meant to be.




I got my reward dress in the mail. It's glorious. Only one problem. It seems like it was soaked in a vat of Prada's Candy. Pink Sugar. Blerg. The one perfume note that makes me sneeze, gives me insta-migraine and makes me yell, "Why God why!!?" Horrible fetid stuff, we hates it! We hates!




So my lovely dress is soaking in a solution of vinegar and water. Next step will be baking soda and water and if that fails we go to a spray bottle of vodka and water on the dress and air it in the sunshine. And it's about to rain. Again. I hope it works because I will not be able to wear this dress the way that it was. All stanky.




Everyone and everything smells. People at the store, I could smell cigarette smoke on them. I could smell the dirt on their shoes. The meat smells (of course) ... I could smell plastic everywhere. Sense of smell ridiculousness.




But overall the cleanse is going great. There's always moments of weakness, but as long as I don't give in it's fine. Rest is really important. I find that if I allow my body to relax into the ground it helps.




The other thing is staying far away from anyone who has a negative opinion about the Master Cleanse. You know these people. Always everywhere, stinking up the joint. The worst are the experts who have never done the cleanse successfully. Holy moly there's a lot of them. And the most prolific ones are the ones who have never even tried it and fancy themselves experts. They don't have any access to me now. Access denied.




Stay strong. Don't be swayed. I know it is easy to give in but don't. Refuse to lose. Drown yourself in positive vibes! Stick with the people who tell you it can and will be done!








So the good is very very good. And the bad is straight up physically painful. I even have a high pain tolerance and at least three times today I thought ... "Holy Cayenne, am I going to be able to do this?" I feel lots of deep healing.




Earlier at Vons, I ate everything my eyeballs touched, with my eyes. Was pretty gross, I had no table manners at all in these imaginings. I was ripping open boxes zombie style, and snarfing stuff I just do not snarf friends. My head ate everything. Brain-eating. But now I am fine. I also found some sparkling water on sale that assured me it was all natural. All natural except for the artificial sweetener that causes brain cancer and seizures. (Oh FU mofos) How in the world do they get away with this stuff and how can we turn it around?









Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Day 5 140.2

Day 6 141.1

Day 7 139.8

Day 8 139.2

Day 9 136.1

Day 10 136.9

Day 11 137.5

Day 12 134.4

Day 13 134.2

Day 16 Master Cleanse.



Mister Squee came home today with a See's candy Valentine box for me. How sweet! And two burritos from Del Taco.




I don't eat milk. I'm vegan. And I don't eat cooked food, cause I'm a raw and fruity vegan. So there was part of me that was baffled. He has no idea that I am on Day 15 of the Master Cleanse. (apparently?) And also seems to eternally not know I don't eat cooked and I don't eat milk.




The vegan thing actually shocked me, that he doesn't know. Or more likely, cannot remember. Never underestimate this. People are crazy self obsessed esp when it comes to eating. Trust me, I'm secretive about the cleanses I do (it I promise is for everyone's good ... everyone wins on that decision I promise ...) but I am not secretive about being raw and being a vegan. I mean. I hold a lot in. Because people get scared.




But now and then I do have EVS; Explosive Vegan Syndrome. Like when I see a Billboard for a Carl's Junior Burger that has bacon, beef and cheese and chicken. That's like three animals on a bun that has added human hair. Human Hair as a dough emulsifier. Usually from China. Seriously true fact.




And so I took the path of least resistance. I threw away one burrito and told him to go ahead and eat the other cause I wasn't hungry. It's sort of true. I'm not hungry. Also hungry enough to eat the Entire World. Do not fear nuclear war, fear Squeegy swallowing the Earth.




So there's only one direction in Life. Forward. And there's only one day, Today.<------------




I feel like I cleared some pretty heavy emotional baggage this last couple days. Feels good. I also smell really really bad. Detox. It's like I'm sweating toxic waste. My tongue has a few pink spots on it. My breath is pretty rank.




I just hope to get to the Great Big Pink Tongue in the Sky. Eye in the Sky .... one day at a time. One lemonade at a time. I had a friend today body scan me. I know she wanted to ask and didn't. I doubt I will ever tell anyone again about the Master Cleanse. Certainly not in the middle of it! I have gone kinda silent on Facebook. I need the quiet. Space and quiet.




In the meantime I am astonishingly much smaller. Trying on clothes is just amazing. I bought a dress during the time I was getting bigger and it fits now. It's the most gorgeous black silk with crochet lace long sleeves. So beautiful. Clothes are the best for motivation. Also; really beautiful perfume and pampering. Manicure tonight, maybe pedicure tomorrow!




Brave new world.












Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3

Day 3 140.4

Day 4 141.5

Day 5 140.2

Day 6 141.1

Day 7 139.8

Day 8 139.2

Day 9 136.1

Day 10 136.9

Day 11 137.5

Day 12 134.4

Day 13 134.2

Day 14 132.4

Day 15 134.9

Day 16 134.6

Wow, I love your inspiration! Like you, I started without telling anyone about my cleanse with the exception of my BF. But the other day I slipped, no I didn't slip, I was so excited about my progress I told a colleague. Thankfully, she looking to do the MC after Valentines Day and I promised I would keep her encouraged. Funny, how people enjoy seeing you overeat, but they think it's wrong if you don't eat.

Anyways, I have to read your post from the beginning because I'm sure your notes will keep me encouraged. I'm going for 15 days and today is Day 4. Other then a minor headache on Day 2 I haven't had any real cravings, etc. I'm sure I can do this.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12


It's easy to mistake spiritual hunger for the physical hunger for food. It's easy to mistake emotions for a need to feed. It's easy to do the wrong thing. This is particularly true for women in the USA who are never supposed to go hungry and yet we're all supposed to be slim. Regardless of what any society for fat acceptance has to say, women I believe really do want to be slim and fit. But given the wrong information and education coupled with some really mismatched social conditioning and you have a recipe for disaster.

I'll never forget the first time I stopped eating food and just drank green juice. For 55 days. I didn't die. In fact I got better. Rapidly. I also didn't tell anyone what I was doing except my husband. And I only told hi because I was a newbie and because he would notice the 16 heads of celery, 45 cucumbers and a bag of carrots that was horse sized. I learned quickly though to hide what I was doing after his fear knocked me off a fast. I was so pissed off. Actually I'm still mad about that one! I should really let that go already. It does me no good.
I just think it is exhausting sometimes to have to appear as if I can eat like a horse, anything I want all day long, sling back pizzas and drink beer and still be healthy. And sexy or fit. Human female bodies just don't work that way.

The Master Cleanse is the fastest healing modality I know of so far. Maybe one day I will meet a faster one. But for now? This is it. This is the real deal.