Master Cleanse Forum - Master Cleanser Lemonade Diet

8-26 Day one 145
8-27 Day two 138.9
8-28 Day three 137.9
8-29 Day four 136.7
8-30 Day five 135.6
8-31 Day six 135.2
9-1 Day seven 135.5
9-2 Day eight 135.3
9-3 Day nine 134.3
9-4 Day ten 133.4
9-5 Day eleven 133.6
9-6 Day twelve 133.8
9-7 Day thirteen 133.9
9-8 Day fourteen 133.6
9-9 Day fifteen 133.0
9-10 Day sixteen 130.9
9-11 Day seventeen 131.3
9-12 Day eighteen 130.5
9-13 Day nineteen 130.2

Hll-A-rious follow up

http://www.xojane.com/healthy/master-cl ... al-results

Day 20 129.9

15.1 pounds down.

I've lifted the rest of the five gallon vat of maple syrup up and measured it all out. As I portioned it out, some spilled out on my very clean kitchen counter. I proceeded to dip my hand in the puddle and lick the syrup off like an animal. It was great. I have a theory that and eating with our hands connects us more closely with our food, maybe even satisfying us more. So don't invite me to dinner. I'm a savage, I'm feral. It was a great weird no one is home and Siamese cats will not judge me moment.

2 gallons and 110 ounces maple syrup left after my last 40 day cleanse. The giant vat cost $170 total shipped. So $34 a gallon. Crazy good deal. This is how we do it Baby! I just restocked my lime supply. 15 for $1 on a one day lime sale. I bought a pound of roasty toast hot cayenne for $10.99 shipped. It's 90K H.U. which I have read is most effective and I use as much as I can stand in each glass of lime-aid

Point is that many people fail due to lack of preparation. So that problem is solved. No self-sabotage. The cleanse is too crucial for my health. That last flare of pain scared me to death. I have to clean it all up. It's been too long now and I just won't be ok with anymore flares.

Weight at 129.9 after the water enema I did this morning after waking up to painful bloat. No more SWF for now. This morning I couldn't do it! Have had another cup of lax tea. The enema may have been the messiest enema ever. So much slime. Stuff still exiting that is not lemons or cayenne!

Full moon is two days away. And you can bet your bananas that yes, that matters!

My energy is gone. I'm so tired. I got up so many times last night to pee. The weather shift has thrown me. So much loneliness today. I often feel lonely. Also I am freezing cold. The inside of me feels like it is made of ice. I have on a fluffy parka, fleece and a 1981 Adidas warm up jacket. It's lemon colored! Electric heating pad on feet.

Still under the covers and I have a heating pad. I must recover in a few hours! *pep talk begins!* Mister Squeegy quiet as the grave as I picked out 270 more limes. Don't ask, don't tell.

Holy Bubble Guts Batman!

Ha! 2nd laxative tea was a horrible horrible idea! My God! The anxiety and the gross OTT nausea! Ugg! I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I cleaned out the freezer too in a fit of "I don't care. Long hair doesn't care. Long hair will pick this freezer up and defrost it!" BOO! My brain; she is a-broken!

Also went to the gym with zero energy and walked up the Gauntlet (rolling stairs) for 50 minutes on level 2 (I go at 9 on bananas and melons) ..... so mellow but a bad plan with a belly fulla laxatives. How in the sam hell does anyone stomach two lax teas?! Crazy effers!

I am sure I'll be better by morning. Now to get on Netflix and tune out!

I promised myself I can go to two thrift stores tomorrow (nice long walk in the sun will do me good) if I live til morning!

Day 21 127.1

Can you smell me over there? I can smell me. It's not good!

I like that brushing my teeth is now a taste sensation!


I'm out walking. Finally. some energy! The sign I am looking at says, "Clean up your dog's shit! How F-ing disgusting are you?"


Neighbors here like to make big public displays and make signs that they then put in their front yards.

Once someone made a sign about how someone stole their sign. It was really long also. Detailed. Calling the person a criminal and saying, "I hope you are happy with yourself!" Maybe they were! Maybe they are still smiling looking at their stolen sign! I mean really long and really complex and in Sharpie permanent ink! No going back now!. But it ended with name calling. I really need to carry a camera around so I can make a coffee table book. "Signs of Rage and bad things to do with Sharpies!"

If I made a sign it might say, "Stop making signs!"

How's my Master Cleanser going? Day 21 and still white of tongue. Master Cleanser lemonade still tastes good to me and not like drinking every bad thing that ever happened to me in High School. Like last time.

A size 3 dress fit me today! AND a size 16 top from the 1950's also fit. Vanity sizing! With the size 3 I looked at the dress and thought, "that is too small." Then it wasn't. I pulled out a belt three days ago that was just able to go to the first hole, now to three holes. And the jeans I had on would easily pull right off me without that belt now.

Still have dark BM's at time. Nausea first, then spaghetti mucus and relief.

Sweet relief.

Day 22 128.6

17.4 pounds gone.

The bloody war begins. Cramps. Nausea. Had to drink lime sparkling water to not vomit last night.

After the fact it is hard to remember this part. 7 more gallstones. If there was ever a fasting modality to clean up your liver, it's Master Cleanser. Boy Howdy.

The results are extraordinary, and hella fast. So after it is done? Memory loss city.

But (Butt) it is important to remember so as not to get lax and eat your way back up the scale.

It's Day 23 Master Cleanser, Stanley Burroughs. (See the files for the book! Short and sweet!).... and today I have a nearly all red strawberry colored tongue. So so so close. This strawberry tongue happened on Day 38 of my last cleanse which was 3 months ago. I managed to go 48 hours past that and it was great! Pink tongue livin is for me friends!

People ask how long you intend to go, right? (not in real life cause no one knows what I do. I'm silent as the grave. Got a secret? You could probably tell me and no one would ever find out!) I'm trying to get to pink tongue. And it isn't subtle when it is pink. It looks strawberry pink crazy after so many days of icky whiteness. Day before yesterday it was green. I have seen it be grey also.

So a 10 day minimum Master Cleanse, 40 day maximum (supposedly, though many have gone longer) and I want to go to pink tongue each time I do the Master Cleanser. This won't be my last rodeo.

Honestly by the time I hit 10 days, it was so hard usually that I may as well continue. It is rough to get in deep and make the time and space to fast like this. There's such a shift in energy, it's important to spend your days wisely working for your health. I feel like I spend more time letting people down when I am on the MC. I'm not as social. I'm quieter. I let the Big Flat Earth support all of my weight.

The drink has either turned on me, or else I am dumping off major toxicity. I can't really tell. What I know is that it burns like a mofo when I drink my lemonade. I have had plenty of stomach issues in my life including but not limited to an actual H. Pylori bleeding ulcer. So it may simply be that my stomach and upper small intestines are healing in a deep cellular way. It could be lung healing also. It's all good in the Limey Neighborhood.

I am no longer dumping off spaghetti monster looking mucus junk, it's all very clear. The gallstones have appeared almost every day, including yesterday when there was 7 of them at once. They look dark dark green oval but faceted. Can be as big as garbanzo beans. Ick. But hey, anything that will help my liver not to quiver. Castor oil rubs externally help so much with passing out stones, or just abdominal pain in general. You would never think that is true, but it is. Spoonfuls of castor oil for the kids in the Little Rascals!

I had a late period that absolutely tried to stabba stabba me to death last night.

I don't have as much body pain. I don't feel every joint in my body is shoved full of glass shards. I have had much emo detox. Something major passed at the gym, but now for the life of me I can't even remember what it was. Probably spent a year in therapy at one point "working" on that issue, whatever it was!

I have had some anxiety, but nothing like that last 40 day cleanse. Holy Moly 80% of that was pure anxiety. So glad it is lessening.

Massive mucus exodus via mouth which is new for sure. I'm like a baseball player. I'll spit on your field dude.

I skipped the salt water flush for two days and absolutely got clobbered for that. The second morning tea is not my bag baby. I have small intestine issues I think. It helps clear that for me. I got overwhelmed by toxins and I thought about just stopping yesterday. But now I am ok again.

My skin is so soft it feels like baby skin. I dry skin brush and take a cold shower every day. Sometimes twice. There is nothing on my skin. No products, no lotions. And there's parts of me that haven't seen soap in a long time. I think that the skin results are unparalleled on Master Cleanser. People just look like they are filled with light. And that happens in a couple days.

My hair is also crazy soft and I think it hyper-grew again. I'd love to know why the Master Cleanse does this to my hair. It's now past my waist. If I straightened it it might be a proper butt toucher!

Day 24 127.4

So incredibly sick from what seems like detox.

A;so profoundly stupid. I dropped a $20 at the thrift shop today and by some miracle I actually got it back! Karma and a very sweet cashier.

Hubs was a grade A asshole to me earlier today. At least I thought he was. Who knows what is real anymore!?

Freezing cold. It's 100 degrees and I had on a coat!

Day 24 (yesterday) Master Cleanse. Tongue was looking very decent. Mighty pink-O if I do say so!

I fought thru a workout. I felt, clogged. Everything felt hot. Then cold. My insides turned to ice It was 100 degrees and I had on a parka. That cold. But night I was a bit breathless. I did an enema and waited it out.

By 8 pm I got more breathless. I was getting random adrenaline rushes. By 10 pm I got out of bed because I needed to concentrate on breathing. Then I basically started to trip out girl scout. It was as if I was in benzo withdrawal and on xanax at the same time. With a side of magic mushrooms. Time dilated. I went into the sewing room and the clock was ticking incredibly loudly. And rudely. I thought about removing the battery. But then how would I know what was happening? I could feel the hours in between each second. It was exactly like being drugged.

I decided. Hey. This sucks. I'll just fix some dresses? I took a few inches off a hem, and then re-sewed. Each time the needle pierced that fabric, it was like I could feel it and I was getting upset that it wasn't more perfect. I knew I wasn't ok. I could feel de-personalization and derealisation slam me. "I'm not a person am I? I'm not real, none of this is real." Existential Zoolander crisis. (when all your friends die in a freak gasoline fight accident)

So I did what anyone would do. I picked out a zipper to replace a broken zipper.

Fixing zippers sucks under any circumstances, but I was basically all kinds of fucked up. I went between, should I laugh? Scream? Feels like I need a hospital? Should I ask a human thing to help me? No! Yes! So, I sewed. Eventually I got stuck and stopped. Maybe I'll pace? The walls were wavy. The floor had water that was not there.

I took some bach's rescue remedy. All three cats were following me around, staring and purring and giving me eye kisses.

I laid on the sofa. Covered in blankies. Then I remembered. Books. I will cover my body in heavy big art books so as not to keep floating to the ceiling. No one but me will tell you. This is the true purpose of art books.

This helped. (It always does. Like thunder jackets for dogs, it relaxes the Central Nervous System.)

When I woke up, it was several BLACK BM's. Was probably 100% all the drugs I ever took finally leaving me. Never had anything like this before. It was crazy! So glad it passed. The miracle of a seam ripper thru Time.

Then I had orange juice. Master Cleanse over. For now. No longer on Mister Toad's wild ride.

Today was like heaven on earth. Lots of energy. Walked 8 miles. Mission accomplished, Tom Cruise. It's eight mile and you're the real slim shady. Stand up and take a bow!

Hey Abbey Lee,
you might not be around for a while but I'd like to say thank you for posting your journey through MC. You have a lot of determination and very up-beat sense of writing. I love it!
Hope you're doing fine and you fit into your small-sized jeans and are healthy overall.

Welcome to the Dollhouse.



I'm walking along in a vintage 1970's trench coat, made by London Fog, wool lined and long enough that my 5'7" ness (soon to be 5'8") completely covered almost to the ground. It's freezing. It snowed. In Pasadena. A man in a Prius parked outside a Church sees me as I see him. He puts his hands like I am arresting him. I would too if owning a Prius was illegal. It made me laugh, people can be funny, you know?



On the way home I am listening to my iPod. It has a John Denver playlist and suddenly I am just overcome with the sadness of "Leaving on a Jet Plane." Cause he did, right? He left that way. The big flat Earth Rock. The rest of the songs finish me off, and I'm basically walkin thru the streets crying. With zero control to cease and desist. I manage to not collapse like the Italians. I manage to keep walking. Keep walking.



I never really mourned his death. So I guess, I did today on the first day of Master Cleanse.



The Eagle and The Hawk.



I have started again.



Christmas was awesome, but too much food. Not bad food, just way too much.



And eventually any weight gain seems to turn back to the main plot. Which is pain. My breasts became so painful it hurt to walk. It was like I looked down and suddenly I had had a boob job. Not good. I know that will probably be gone tomorrow morning or the day after. MC brings the swelling down quick.



I'm very hungry this time. I looked up ways to get motivated and one thing I agree with is that motivation doesn't last. It has to be renewed constantly. You are putting quarters in a parking meter with the MC. Stay on top of the cleanse. Do it exactly as it is written and no one gets hurt. Mainly no one. It does hurt a bit. Unavoidable.



I'm staying away from the kitchen tonight. Just to get cleaned up for sleeping, make my tea and pass out. The SWF is moving thru at record speed. I am already so clean in there, but clearly not clean enough. I wish I has something mindless and hilarious to watch. I feel like I already saw ... everything. Twice. Chronic illness and pain makes great binge TV watchers!



One lemonade at a time.



I have done a 10 day, a 40 day, another 40 day (that was epic and perfect and made Stanley weep tears of Joy in Lemoney Heaven) then 24 days and finally a 13 day cleanse. So this is .... the sixth time down the road. The scenery is ever changing. I have my supplies ... If I were to take Tom Woloshyn's word for it I needed 100 days on the cleanse to feel as good as I can, ever. Seems like the cleanses in the beginning where to far apart to make that happen.

Good news down 5.1 pounds

147.4 to 142.3

Bad news stomach cramps so bad last night was up for 2-3 hours at midnight wandering around in my freezing house. Then I threw up the SWF this morning. Salt out yer nose! Pretty sure I just was pushing too hard.

Onward with Day 2!

So .... I was throwing up salt water violently this morning and there was definitely part of me that was yelling ... "See what you get for harassing so many people to do the salt water flush on Master Cleanse?" Cause that's Irony. I mean the up side is that a massive amount of some kinda mucus-slime came outta my nose. So, sinus cleanse for free! Bonus!



I'm getting out gallstones already. Have seen three of the little greenies so far. What happens each time is nausea and I feel like OMG I am insane I can't Master Cleanse, I am in a ton of pain. I need to eat ... yadda yadda yadda and then my belly swells up. And then after being uncomfortable for awhile, it passes. Literally ... they just come out and float around bold as anything .... Then I deflate. They are associated with a lot of very uncomfortable emotions and I know it is only day two but BOY HOWDY I have been uncomfortable.



I can hear Mister Squeegy eating pretzels downstairs. He's eating pretzels for dinner. The old habits he has around food are back with a vengeance. Christmas is really just such a killer for people's diets and it is so tough to turn it around.



But that is what I am doing. That and detoxing. The pain I had is 50% less already. I got some sleep that was like angel sleep last night. 3 hours at a time, but it was goooooddddd. The healing sleep is amazing. Amazing.



I'm drinking at least 12 lemonades a day with as heavy a hand on cayenne as I can manage. I might need to buy more maple syrup. Which means I will have exhausted five gallons! Holy Moly. No regrets on that purchase. I'm annoyed I cannot find it as cheaply as I did last time. It broke down to 35$ a gallon. So far I have found $50 shipped ...



There is a tree, a lemon tree up the road that no one cares about and I have gathered up about 100 lemons off of her. I have a few on our trees also, but not enough. Free lemons! And the cayenne I bought in a pound size, bulk it UP! It is extra hot!




Was able to walk 4 miles today and yesterday. I made this deal with myself recently that since I don't have enough Vitamin D, I will get outside to exercise as much as I can even when I do not want to! I am like rock, like stone, I am unshakeable and I will get to Day 10 at the very least. One lemonade at a time. Also working on the theory that lemons cleanse better than limes. Could it be!? Course it is unfair since these are homegrown lemons ....

I will get ready for bed soon (it is 4 pm) restless sleep and vomit ... not good together! I find at night I am just DONE. Like no more moving and definitely no being in a kitchen. Luckily my insane hubs has filled the freezer with Lean Cuisines. OH THE IRONY. (and yes he doesn't know I am on MC again ... don't ask don't tell!)

I get lonely writing to myself but there is also a certain comfort in it. Hard to explain.

I'm in the sauna, finally snuggled down into a comfy position. My stomach is bloated and feels like I am with child. Feels that way because I drank so much lemonade. Seriously I may have had 15 lemonades yesterday.




There's one lady in there with me. I have on an iPod, listening to David Bowie, who has such a heart breaking voice. But I can feel my intestines being loud. Seriously it felt like aliens in there. I could hear the grumble rumble over the music and suddenly I hear this.




"Was that your stomach!?!?!" Sauna Lady Says




I pull out an ear pod and say, "yes. it was. It's loud. Master Cleanse," by way of explaination.




She stares at me with zero recognition. Maybe even hostile.




"Well it sounded like it hurts."



Weird pause ... where I ascertain that she either has no clue what a Master Cleanse is or that she hates it and probably both. And also I shouldn't have explained. I suffer from over-explaining, but I get better ever single day friends! A cure is close at hand!




"No no pain, just a lot of noise."




Then she gets up suddenly and leaves like my stomach-intestines insulted her with it's gurling mcsweargling.



Maybe Master Cleanse is code for; "I have The Ebola," in her World? ...



I saw it written once that if you tell people you are on the Master Cleanse they act like you are drunk driving a golf cart filled with babies. True words friends, true words.



OK then. I thought I was ready to pass out last night but got a second wind last night and went to the gym. Only 23 minutes on the Gauntlet and nice and easy. But nice feeling and so so so high on endorphins there for awhile. After the gym Hubs nearly passed out on me, he admitted he'd gone to McDonald's to try their new whatever form of murder burger, He promptly felt really ill. Funny cause he told me about it, and I warned him. He said, "Nostalgia got the better of me. I know I know!" Really true words. Been there. So glad I am not there now.



Day three starts at 140.4



Horrific pain in the belly last night. Up for an hour and half but still got three hour double chunks of outstanding sleep! Like an angel, like a baby. Warm healing sleep.



Worried cause Mister Squeegy wants to go out today to eat. Worrisome. Hate that.






Day 1 147.4

Day 2 142.3

Day 3 140.4