am having a really challenging time today with wanting to eat to comfort myself...emotionally, its a difficult time anyway right now with a situation that recently occured in my life, and today, i am feeling lost, alone, scared, and just want something that will comfort me, i bought the kids some bagels while i was out getting my wheat grass, and i just want one so bad, which is absolutley a comfort food for me...and i know if i ate it, i would feel so damn bad afterwards, and tomorrow, and would just be starting all over again...i know all that, and still want to put it in my mouth...i dont understand why...well, yes i guess i do, food is our comfort from the time we are born...its used to sooth us all throughtout our childhood...many of us anyway, and where i am from its a huge part of the culture (louisiana) even though i know its like that everywhere really, we socialize around food...and it gives us a feeling of companionship, solidarity, comfort...i need another way of comforting myself today, or probably what i really need is to sit with my sadness, and be with it, let it wash over me, and accept it...it is what it is. i have so many things to be happy about right now, but i am sad...sad about a relationship ending, sad about a situation with my daughter, sad about my mom, just fucking sad. and i dont like it
_________________ Mary
I've letting go of my hope for a better past
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