Master Cleanse Forum - Master Cleanser Lemonade Diet

I really do wish we had the ability to communicate things faster and more efficiently than this word thing. I remember being able to thought transfer. No clunky words. But here we are stuck in the thick and tangled "reality."

I just got back from Little Toyko. Mister Squeegy wanted noodles at his favorite Japanese Ramen place. He wanted them last week and I held him off.

It's a dive with lines that stretch around a block at time. They have a really good cabbage carrot salad there. (looking at the bright side girl said) Sliced into thin tiny noodles it has to be done with one hell of a huge mandolin. The place is really dirty in this very specific meaty, sweaty, greasy not for Vegans way that is impossible to describe, unless you are vegan. There's nothing on the menu that I could eat except the salad. They have vegetarian things that I would never ever trust were not made of some kind of chicken gut broth or pig eyeballs. Mister Squeegy points to a sign near my head. It says deep fried tofu vegetable platter, New!

He orders his SAD diet special (bill was $30 friends ... how many bananas is that?) and I order green tea. Because it is the 8th day of Master Cleanse. I'm not eating and the shift has already happened. I'm not hungry. Not even for the salad thing that a sneaky raw vegan can eat. The waitress doesn't react. Mister Squee asks, "Why?" I say, "I'm not hungry."

Period.

Never explain. Never confess. Never willingly place your tiny Anne Boleyn like neck onto a chopping black and think it is all going to turn out fine. No, actually it isn't going to after Anne Boleyn Wives! Never marry a man like that! And don't go to Transylvania and then ask the charming natives about Dracula, get warned and still go to his Castle! I watched a special on Netflix about Henry the 8th's kitchens and actually it kinda sounded alot like the Japanese Ramen place.

(And once a woman on here harassed me about my use of the word "alot" instead of "a lot" .... Off with her Head!)

(It's a choice man. It's a choice. Much like my choice to detox til the band Journey is no longer a problem for me. Has saved me from running screaming outta many a CVS. And recently, as an aside. Kate Bush's music very suddenly actually sounds good to me. What Sorcery is this!? I like it. I like it alot.)

Anyhow. Master Cleanse. Day 8. Way past hunger. On to being high. See that kite? I'm higher than that.

I just finished a 40 day Master Cleanse at the beginning of June. So, you may ask, how did we get here again? Did you take a wrong turn back at Albuquerque, Squeegy?

Well. I had a flare up of Trigeminal Neuralgia. My Hubs touched the right side of my face really tenderly. Believe it or not that can flare it up. How ridiculous is that? It woke up the Beast. Then I got a return of the cyst in my right hand. Return of the Jedi was originally entitled Return of the Cyst. Very few people know that. Aren't you glad you are reading this?

This cyst is in the index finger of my right hand. It was gone, understand early on in my journey. It was there and 55 days of juice fasting removed it. She said Journey! Don't stop Believin'; believin cyst is cured! Cause here it is again. Mo Fo. The cyst had gone back to live in hell next to Sadam Hussein and Barney. Oh God, now I like Barney too. It will never end these revalations!

The cyst became really big and really angry very very fast. Now Trigeminal Neuralgia, when it flares feels like someone hit exactly half my skull with a baseball bat, and my mouth is filling with blood. My face, exactly half of it was electric. But the cyst was icing on the raw cake. Made of cashews.

I decided I would try to treat it with banana island and when that didn't work I went to melons. After this failed I pretty much prayed for help. I kept hearing Master Cleanse. Which naturally, annoyed me.

"You must mean Sch-master Cleanse?" "You are clearly talking to someone else." "No! Not doin' it! You must mean someone else."

I said to Nat, Yeah I have no clue where the strength to Master Cleanse is going to even come from.

So, I tried Master Cleanse light. When you drink some MC with no sweetener and still eat. Um no. Once the pain in my right arm from sad cyst joined the pain from the Neuralgia I was willing. It hurt like a dick in the dirt. The day the limes went on sale 15 for $1, I was there. I started that day.

So. Now. As I type. I'm high as a kite. And the cyst is gone. Understand that it was so big and pointy that I was concerned it was going to break thru the skin of my hand. In 3 days the pain was gone, but the cyst remained big and pointy. Then today, it vanished. (The facial pain is barely on in the background.)

Now that is amazing. Even to me.

Understand that the Master Cleanse is not for everyone. If you can't follow the instructions, maybe try something easier and softer? It's fairly brutal in the beginning. Even in this last day, I was tasting metal and I stank like an onion. (I don't eat onions, am allergic)

The cyst is gone dude.

And I have experienced remarkable healing with Raw. 100%. The other "high raw" and "phoning it in Raw" will never do what 100% will do. And if you are sick, you may want to research different cleanses. We have done them all I think. Between Natalie and Myself? Raw took away 20 moles, cured my candida all the way down to my toenails. I no longer have belly button stank. I barely use soap. I smell good unless I am detoxing. Like bananas or roses. I eat rose petals, I drink rose water that I make. I have no migraines. I have no back pain and I had two herniated discs. I have no leg pain despite documented S1 neuropathy. I have no trouble moving and I was on bed rest for three years. Three. Years. Is. Alot. Of Years.

Raw plus cleansing ... will heal anything. I truly believe that.

Day Ten

133.4

Everything is currently spinning, but I am safe in bed, so all is well.

Hopefully the spinning stops soon. I so enjoy your writing.

Mellissa

OH MY GOD!!! That is such an amazing story.

Good thing you hung in there and detox'd that cyst (or, more importantly, WHAT WAS CAUSING IT) right outta your body.

This society has become attuned to symptoms, not to causes and cures. Look at the pharmaceutical industry. I went to the doctor once because my thumb was in pain and had lost its flexibility. He looked at it and said he had the best thing on the market for it. I got a bottle of pills. I took it home. I looked it up. It was a pain killer. Like, not some miracle drug to handle my inflexible joint. Let alone an appointment with an occupational therapist. He just thinks, patient in pain. Kill pain.

How stupid is that?

Didn't Thomas Edison famously say, “The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease."

Thomas Edison would go ballistic if he knew that a hundred years in his future, doctors were little more than dope pushers.

So, yeah, that's why I cleanse.

Anyway, three cheers for getting the toxins out, for researching different diets, and for looking beyond that current medical state of insanity as regards curing the body of its ills. Loved your writing, as usual.

Blimey

"Real safety is your willingness to not run away from yourself." Marianne Dresser

Day 11 Master Cleanse.

If you don't help you; who will? If you don't do the hard work, do you deserve the spoils? It's easy to do this Master Cleanser when it is easy. Cause it is at times, tremendously easy. So much so that you're Leslie Gore singing, "You don't own me." Your hair is fluffed up AND sprayed down in a way that modern physics cannot explain. You are wearing the hell outta that sweater in your torpedo bra. And right after you take your bow and the applause floats away to wear people don't remember, it grabs you by the throat and begins to squeeze.

Like a lime in a lime presser. And if feels like all your juice is gone.

You have to trust yourself. You have to not run from this pain, this backache, this all pervasive muscle pain. You have to lean closer into it. You have to breathe it in. You breathe in the suffering and even relax into it and you breathe out joy. Again and again and again.

You, you precious limitless being, you live on light, sun, breath and live food. So take out the food and the Master Cleanser drink becomes your prana. Take out food and every place you stored pain in your body wakes up and reminds you. "Mamma. I'm here. I'm over here."

Just face it. Make friends with your pain and attach the world's pain to it. Breathe it in. The monster under the bed is real. Breathe it in and breathe out joy. You are not some victim in all this. You have you! And God. And that right there is a Majority Vote.

Day 11 Master Cleanse.

Very cool quote. Never heard of Marianne Dresser!

Yes, that majority. A good reminder.

Blaze on!

L, L

Day 12


I bought 11 pounds of very ripe nectarine and plums today for $3 on an ugly table. I also bought bananas. Bananies. Ripe ones that aren't really ripe yet. They need a day or two before The Big Freeze happens to them. Then one day they can be banana nice cream. One day I will eat again. Me and my master cleanser pink tongue.

I insisted Mister Squee take me to the store because I feared he was on to me. It gives normal people the illusion you are eating when you buy food and they see you do it. He didn't know about that last 40 day cleanse. *Jack Nicholson voice* "He can't handle the Truth!"

Most people accept, "Oh yes I have been working really hard *underline* at the gym" by way of explanation for weight lost and he's no exception.


Day 13

Down 11.1 pounds. Weight is stuck a bit. Normal and yet exquisitely annoying to me this morning. Apparently I want to be annoyed. My body is tired, so I am resting it for a few hours til Mister Squeegy returns home from teaching English to people who hate everything and just wanna stare at their phones. Then I need to move a bit. Trust me, it's easier this way. He would be decidedly unhelpful and would easily sabotage me.

It's difficult to live with a house full of toxins like diet sodas, massive amounts of grains, animal products. But I know that he doesn't want me dead. So I stay raw and fruity and I cleanse and detox again and again. There's very few couples who eat the same way. I am just in charge of me, after all. One person in the life boat. Men stay on board the sinking ship with the candy made of beef and dye and drink that tangerine lime flavored diet soda as the ship sinks.

It takes courage. Life is not for Chickens. It takes courage to live without poisons. It takes courage to try harder.

I bagged up my bananas. One day I really will eat again. Seems unlikely at this point with my super white tongue and the dark crapsicles being passed around over here. But (Butt) it is true.

I tried finding some written journals that were encouraging and it's like a dam train wreck out there.I can't help but stare at the people who start out all gung ho and announce straight off that they are not gunna do the SWF cause they basically don't want to. I always think "Oh Honey, you are going to mess this up." Sure enough in a few days their bodies get the better of them. It's called Re-toxification. If you don't shove that junk out the backdoor it spins around your organs like a deaf dumb and blind kid who sure can play pinball. And then they quit. Blaming the cleanse and not their own inability to just follow the dang directions.

It's interesting to me how few people can do this. I can do this. (YOU can do this. Yes, YOU) and I have. And I am. And I will. I gotta 5 gallon bucket a maple syrup riding on this gig. I already ditched the pain and the cyst and now I wake up every day shrunken. A pair of jeans I altered on Sunday is already super baggy unwearable. In three dang days! The size loss is just insane.

All in all, it is going well. A bit more pain than I like today. Less sleep than I wanted. I am already deep into that warm smooth cozy sleep where I can just lay on my back, hands folded over my heart and not even move all night. I get to see interesting strange beings. Spirits or animals bring me messages. It might be my very favorite part of Master Cleanser. The sleep is so very healing.

Have courage and carry on!

Dear Squeege,

Ah, the cranky phase! I am going through one, as well.

Let me attempt to be more inspiring. I admit that I have been terse in my journal lately.

Hats off to you for doing the MC without Mr Squeege putting two and two together. I'm doing this Cleanse with the full consent and awareness of my husband, known to all as Nicest Guy in World, and he is fairly understanding and extremely supportive in many ways. But, he's a man and can't find anything in the fridge, so I have to do his cooking when the cook is not here. I don't think anyone in the world can do this MC with a bunch of "friends" and family questioning the efficacy of it, all the while scarfing chips and coke and vodka tonics.

Remember "what you eat you are?"

The toxins in our food are fully addictive, fully influencing our thoughts and functions. I know this firsthand. If a person (me, for example) has been eating modern grain and processed food and caffeine and additives for 50+ years, and reads about some new way of eating (raw? paleo? Master Cleanse?), the data goes through the filter of all that grain and processed food and caffeine and additives. Like that shite is glomming onto us, making us FEEL EXACTLY LIKE grain and processed food and caffeine and additives.

So, here is this very calm, scientific data about not eating that. Well, your first reaction might be a little glimmer of, "oh, yes, I need to get healthy" because that's you, the poor, buried, you (!) talking, the degraded god or goddess who is more powerful than you'd ever believe, but bound up in chains. The very next reaction to the data, a mere nanosecond later, comes from all that grain and processed food and caffeine and additives. It feels threatened. It's going to holler. You, the poor buried god or goddess, is going to hear that holler as a little tiny voice. But you think it's you. You go into agreement with that body's addictions pressing up against you. You just say to yourself, "oh, well. This diet would just be too hard."

Humans are so amazingly talented in the art of making excuses.

So, Squeegie, I know you know this, too. You're an effing goddess laboring under the burden of a meat body. It takes the viewpoint of a god or goddess to get through this thing. You take on the viewpoint of the body and you just give up when it hurts. Because that's what bodies do. "oh, ouch. Hey, I'm getting outta here." That's not what gods n goddesses say.

And actually, the MC is not that difficult. It's a subtle change in viewpoint that actually should come naturally to us, to just say, that's the body and its glommed-on toxins talking. I can listen, but I will just say, "hey, thanks fer letting me know about that." And move ahead.

Oh, man. I started off wanting to be more positive, and I've been doing a little rant. Here's what else I wrote:

Day 1: yay, you're a god, and you're doing this thing.
Day 2: Hey, cool. Lost a pound! But body complains. So effing what?
Day 3: body complains louder. Who is the boss around here, I ask you. Moment of truth. Mixed metaphor alert...
Day 4: New Sheriff in town, no one's going to the gallows.
Day 7: might have to deal with some more toxins
Day 8: back to happiness
Day 10: thunderbolts at your fingertips. A God is born! And he's ten lbs lighter, free of his food addictions, wants to eat healthy, skin of a baby!

Wow, getting very verbose today.

Anyway, my heart goes out to everyone on the MC, because it might be hard. Arm yourself with Burroughs' text. Follow the recipe. Have the Salt Water Flush. Shut out the naysayers. But you, and only you, can make the MC happen for you. It takes recognizing that you are battling the stuff inside that starts feeling threatened by a good clean-out.

Oh, hey, thought of another hot tip for anyone thinking about getting on the MC:
Never mix the cayenne into your lemonade in advance of drinking it. Meaning, let's say you're going off to work and you want to premix 5 or more lemonades for the day. Go ahead, you smart person, you. Mix those babies in your kitchen and have them chilling in the company fridge or in your Eski under your desk. But bring the cayenne separately. NEVER put the cayenne in until you are ready to consume it. The "heat" of the cayenne multiplies over the course of the day as it sits there in the lemonade. You might shake in a wee 1/10th of a teaspoon at 8 am at home, but it's juuuust starting to brew and by the time you drink it at 1:30, it is a roaring inferno of hot lava.

So when I go on a road trip or shopping in the city (2 hours away by car), I mix the maple syrup and the lemon, but the shaker of cayenne stands alone until I'm ready to drink.

Okay, so Squeegie, I want to emphasize that it is because of YOU that I continued past Day 10. You are a real asset to this forum and you helped me go on (now on Day 21) in search of the pink tongue. Thank you for that. You're a viking at this thing.

Love, Bali Lemon

OH, by the freakin' way...

That last message may have been addressed to you, Squeege, but all the remarks were aimed aimlessly at anyone else reading this thread. I am sure there are people out there reading this and that was what urged me to take that general tone of evaluating and advising on aspects of the MC. You are a total pro at this, and I did not mean to aim my comments and advice at you.

It was a general ramble.

Keep on posting,

Lembalion

Day 16 weight 133.0

12 pounds down (hopefully broke this 133 plateau)

I do not think I am drinking enough. 6-8 is not enough for me. Must be mindful that the more lemonade I drink, the better. It's human dran-o.

So yesterday was rough. You definitely get the feeling when on Master Cleanse that you are dealing with some serious scary toxins. It feels like you should probably be in a hospital at times. Next to someone really really old, on oxygen , maybe watching Oprah. (Is she still on the TeeVee?) Help me Oprah! Help me Dr. Phil! Hep me Jebus!

Then in an hour, 15 minutes it passes. I tasted metal all day. Mercury and Lead mouth. Even what felt like fever and lots of fatigue. Body ache like I had been attacked with a soft bat. A Styrofoam bat. And "hunger" .... many strange suggestions were made to me yesterday by my head. My head which currently houses that white tongue. The work I had to do I would say I suffered thru, and barely made it. But I did make it. I didn't give up.

I craved Twinkies. And when I say I craved them, what I mean is that all of a sudden I was tasting twinkies. I haven't had them in years. Last week it was Twizzlers. Gross. Cell memory. Cells; they never forget.

I smelled a bit like a burning tire and I haven't eaten burning tires since 1993!

What really helped was trying on clothes and sorting thru clothes. Specifically jeans. Cause denim is a girl's best friend. The undeniable size difference is really very shocking and encouraging. This is the correct path, it's just that the path is dangerous, along a terrifying cliff and there's smashed up burned out cars at the bottom of the canyon down below. On a Master Cleanse, no Sherpa is gunna help you Kid, you go it alone. Cause everyone knows the Sherpa like to eat and all you have to offer is that spicy lemonade.

I know that I won't give up til my tongue goes pink again. Cause pink tongue livin' is for me! Sign me up!

My weight has been stuck, which is details at this point. I mainly need the nerve supply to heal thru my arm and head where I was electrocuted. That's the main thing. That cyst scared the hell outta me because it disabled my right hand. I couldn't bend the hand, and kept smashing the sore finger on stuff. I need my right hand. Mainly so I can flip off the scale.

And I want a 100% cure on the incurable Trigeminal Neuralgia. The dangers of sudden flare ups? Unacceptable and must go. I feel that the Master Cleanse will make it happen for me.

My tomatoes are exploding. The concord grapes are super ripe. I think I will dehydrate them. Otherwise they will go to waste. It's sad and I hope to never ever need to do this much fasting again over the Summer when all the deliciousness happens. But that is what we're dealing with here. So suck it up Buttercup!

Been working out at the gym with Mister Squeegy. He's getting huge. He gains, I lose. Everyone wins.

I dial it way way down. I barely break a sweat. On bananas and melons, I am a Beast! But not right now. I have learned my lesson! Never workout too hard or you pay the next day on a Master Cleanse and it can mess you up! preserve the cleanse save the cleanse!

Ok this article cheer me way the heck up .... so so funny!

http://www.xojane.com/healthy/yes-im-ma ... -dont-yell

OMG, that blog post (from XOJane) was hilarious! Loved it!

Love, Lemon

"6. tell your friends to be supportive and not naysaying fearprojecting twats. If they can't be supportive, don't hang out with them while you're on the Cleanse. They'll project their own fears on you under the guise of concern. VIBEKILLERS. Suddenly everyone becomes a hater." http://carmenleilani.blogs.com/transmut ... eanse.html

Day 18

A bit sore tonight thru the joints. I have learned to sort of shut down the house quite early when that happens. Get ready for bed and then just relax. Breathe into it. That way I don't need to feel like I need a pain killer. Ice packs do the job nicely.

The energy has kicked in and all day I manage to get quite a bit done and my energy has returned when I am out walking. I expect that is going to get better every day til I feel like a skateboard is an actual essential. I remember only wanting to be outside moving.


Day 19

I am currently super duper sleepy. Yesterday I skipped my cold shower (yes, I'm hardcore. and yes, they totally completely absolutely 100% work and create the most attractive skin seen outside a neutrogena ad) ... and I paid a bit. Not making that same mistake ever again thanks!

It's raining here and dark. How I hate the colder darker weather. I need to find a band of attractive wild surfer boys and run away with them globetrotting into an Eternal Summer. Landlocked. Master Cleansered. Covered in Siamese cats.

I've decided to just chill out, girl scout. Hubs will be home at 2pm and then he will take me to Superking. Superking. Superman came to Earth and became a King? And then he put limes on sale? At Superking, a repeat of the one day sale on limes. LIME SALE. Limey Bastages are 15 for $1 again and I need to buy an enormous container of Basil that they have there for the cooking I do for Mister Squee. Almost out. Limes and toilet paper. That's what it is all about. Crazy that I am running low on limes. I bought 270 when I started. I recently upped them because I like the taste of more lime juice and less sweetness!

The best news is this.

I have a few skirts that I bought on the cheap about 5 years ago. They were in the Halloween section at my favorite thrift store. Words cannot express the love I have for this store, but let me try. It's filled with Grandmas. I am talking olden thymes, women have conversations about if they are 94 or 95 and then doing the math on a notepad olden. They talk about a world I have never seen. That I won't know. They talk about going down town and how you had to wear a hat and gloves. "What if you didn't?" I ask. Long shocked pause. "Well now Honey, no. No. It simply was not done!"

They price things there like WW2 just ended and we're all still rationing sugar!

These skirts were handmade in ... 1940-1950. They are extremely full and crazy heavy because they are covered in trims. Metallic ric rac, yards and yards! I mean these must have taken a very long time to sew. I mean I have patience. But there is no way I have that many yards of patience! Epic!

I bought them for $2 each. They put all 3 or maybe 4 of them in a bag and it was like a polka party assploded! Amazing. You don't need a petticoat man, they are giant fluffy goodness!

Have never been able to wear them because they all have a 25 inch waist. And not a forgiving slightly stretch, just kidding I am lying about sizing waist. A true reinforced with grosgrain ribbon waist that has snaps and metal hooks and eyes. Made before everyone was hella-fat. People used to be smaller. Women were smaller. True vintage is all tiny.

Yesterday, on a whim, I took one out, and put it on.

*yells in Victory!!!*

I have about 10 pounds left to lose, so by then, I will be able to wear these incredibly easily. I could Polka like it's 1999! They are so so outrageous! The Queen of all handmade OTT (over the top) goodness. And it fits. I mean. Yeah.

Master Cleanser haters; bite me.