Master Cleanse Forum - Master Cleanser Lemonade Diet

Hello. I just signed up because I wanted to tell you your journal is so inspiring, and funny, and genuine, and human, and I just adore it.

I have seen your writing about the web before and have been similarly impressed by you and your your journey, so I was delighted, as I was reading through this forum (currently feeling my way through my own (first) MC) to stumble upon a journal and realize it was yours . Your story gives me hope that I may be able to recover some of my own “lost” (/“incurable”) health and vitality.

I wrote this March 8th ....

So? How'd ya measure up?




I broke my Master Cleanse after Day 35.




I'm now strong enough to basically tear out a wall in my house, pick up a car and throw it down the block and probably can now run straight up a tree like a cat without claws.




This cleanse. Was. Disgusting. Exhausting. I used to have these daydreams that I would be invited to say my Mother's Cabin in the woods in New Mexico. (Little Red Riding Hood; the story of a very rude young girl who invades the territory of a perfectly legit Wolf ...) I dreamed that all my responsibilities would be lifted and I could just fast there, all Master and Cleanse-y and it would all be so much easier. Right?




But it's never like that. Unless Jason Vale needs you for a movie, it's something that ... I had to basically steal the time for. I barely made it thru my work and family obligations. And in fact I played sick many more days than I care to admit on this one.




It really should be called 35 days of Liver Cleansing. Make your liver quiver two dollah make you hollah!




I faked all kinds of stuff and it was all worth it.




Because now I'm superhero strong again. The gym and hours of exercise at home.




I broke with oranges and watermelon juice and now all I crave is greens. Huge salads with apple, carrot, cucumbers are in my immediate future. I bought 13 pounds of cucumbers for $2.38 off an ugly table. It's great. And I don't know a horse who likes carrots more than I do right now. No cravings for bananas.





I feel amazing. AH-MAY-Zing.




Higher than high.




Energy swung back into me faster than I could say, "Let's all have a huge salad for breakfast!"




I only want the greenest food. The apples, the carrots, OHhh the carrots!




Being intensely spoiled by California, I have fresh picked oranges, lemons and grapefruit. I never wanna see a lemon, lax tea (or any kind of tea actually) and salt ever again. (til next time)




I have so much energy, I can't sleep. I worked out for ... a really really long time today. Like olden times. Like no time in recent memory. About three hours. Tracy Anderson kicked my butt. Literally she had me on my knees tilting a leg as if I were trying to snap it outta the leg socket. I'm a Lego woman. Then kicking in a strange way for only ten minutes but BUTT now my butt hurts ... in a good way.




The kittens love it when I roll out a sticky yoga mat and try to invade their territory on the ground. They both are two years old now, 9.3 pounds and masters of silliness and walking up the walls. They legit look upset when Gravity wins 30% of the time ...




"I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside ..."







My finger that I severed the nerve in with a razor blade cutter no longer hurts. It remains also my most perfect fingernail and shaped finger. I say to Mister Squee, "Maybe this is why women who do lots of cooking always have the prettiest hands? They accidentally have cut ever finger nearly off in their lifetimes?"



He nods thoughtfully.




I am not exhausted at all. During this MC, I was deeply exhausted. As soon as I started the Orange Juice, It was as if I was living on the surface of the sun. Intense energy. I'm trying to manage it. Thru exercise.




Exhaustion was a major reason I started another MC. This was the sixth Master Cleanse I have done! Ten days, 40 days twice, 24 days, 17 days and now 35 days. I didn't eat anything at all in February. Which really if you're gunna miss a month ... February is a good one to pick.




I am no longer impatient with Mister Squee when he parks the car at the gym or at the store. I have accepted that he's going to not take the obvious parking spot and that he doesn't need my help. Peace Out Girl Scout. I actually kind of enjoy this now. I don't even know how many years I suffered from that! ha! It's just ... gone. Now it feels ... kind of fascinating to watch and see what he'll do. I try to make it make sense.




EVERYONE is nicer to me when I am thinner. Believe me, it's super annoying (fat phobia sucks but is real) .... and also is super great at the same time. Duality.




Mister Squee who cannot talk about fasting can talk about weight management! Which is great!




Though he's been trying to feed me ... boo




When you are low in vitamin D, you do not want to go outside! How crazy is that?




The bad news.




My friend died.




A friend I met in 4th grade. He dropped dead of heart attack. This is. Extremely bad news. It's made me, horrifically sad. Very sad. I won't get to see him again and I spent every day with him for years. His Mother was my teacher in 6th grade. It was a tiny town we grew up in. Most of my best memories include him. It's slipping away, the grief. Like my mind will only go so far and then it distracts me. But yeah. Immediate death, no warning, no hospital, no extended re-mix.




I'd say that I am grateful. So grateful. At Thanksgiving my Cousin standing in the kitchen with me, she's "got a good healthy diet" she says ..... ( I assure you, she doesn't) ..... and she happens to have one friend, a good friend, her best friend who went vegan for health. She says, "Not as extreme as you. But you know it is good to know that raw vegan exists in case I ever do get really sick."




This. Stays with me. In case. Her words have echo-ed in my head. You know?




It's later than you think.

I wrote this March 21st ....


"One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all

Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call"




_Jefferson Airplane




Her voice sounds like metal. I'm listening to this song in the middle of the New Mexico high desert. In the sage brush. My pale body is laying on the cracked skin clay, and I can see low laying juniper trees and a sky that looks like theatre. Like Opera, specifically.




Recently ....There was an intergalactic being in a "dream" who told me very matter a factly, as if he had read it off an Ikea instructional how to travel to any destination. I wanted to go sleep in the sun, as a child, in the Sage. He told me how and I spent my time that night, in the hot New Mexico Sun.







In the Present Awake World .... A friend, a casual friend, not a good "she knows you're a vegan fruitarian friend" is talking to me about restaurants around town. She knows more than yelp. (I love yelp ... ) She says that there's a health food store that serves meals on plates, like a café.




"The man who works there has that *LOOK* you know that look that Vegans (she says the word the way most people say this word. Like it has four letters) get when they get older. They are too skinny and too wirey and they just do not look healthy."




She's continuing her restaurant diatribe.




My mind is still on this man who serves the community vegan food.




I want to go there just to look at this ... supposed ... unhealthy looking person. (I haven't. I want to.)




My mind then rests ... sits down like on a comfortable old sofa with an afgan and a cat ... on the fact that the casual friend doing the talking doesn't have a healthy look at all. She's talking about the Greek Café now and how they serve Lamb. So I turn up the volume on the static. At least I can always do that and drown out 51% of what the SAD Zombies say.




I really can't stand people talking about how much they like to eat these poor animals. It makes me feel, like Shaking my Mother and saying, "What kind of planet have you brought me on to?"




To be fair, it hurts much less than it used to three and a half years ago when I walked around with my heart bleeding thru my shirts.




My mind lately talks to me about moving. Like a book of really detailed yoga asanas with girls in 1970's leotards. Not sure why it is all being downloaded now.




Fasted Cardio? It's super rough for me. Supposedly this will burn off your fat stores. But. BUTT. See? The number of studies out there that conflict is astronomical. Pick a study, any study.




Here's what I know for sure.




Being a fruitarian. Doing detox. Cleaning up your lifestyle with skin brushing, cold showers, enemas and the like ... eventually leads directly to the door of the early work of Ehret wherein you can exercise like a lunatic and then wake up restored and do it all over again.




Like you are a super human being. (NOT AN EXAGERATION)




I was like this when I was younger.




As if I am aging backwards.




No one I have spoken to in real life, can hear me. They think I am lying. Lots of them can't even see me apparently. They think it is luck.




They see me if they haven't seen me for a few months and as a passing curiosity they will ask about what I am "doing." Cause everyone in LA is "doing" something if they look as well as I look.




Dermatologist, plastic surgery, laser, injections, botox, wraps ....




Green juice fasts (omg how radical!), master cleanse (most have no clue what that is but if a city could be pro master cleanse .. it would be LA) .... did you stop eating carbs? Did you give up bread? Did you have your intestines modified?




------------->Did you find the magic pill?<-------------




They want the magic pill.




Ultimately. How did this even happen this magic pill? It must have some History. Something encoded in or DNA or is it a Joseph Campbell Mythos?




I think a lot about these things because my cells sparkle and shine and move like diamonds now.




I change faster than I can think.




So. That is .... extremely psychedelic. Like a drug trip. But instead of Mick Jager's plate of pills, I'm on bananas, greens and cardio ...




Oh my Ears and Whiskers; I am Late!




Believe in the Heart Breaking Beauty of the World.

Who knew the Australians could be so .... encouraging?

http://www.productreview.com.au/p/lemon-detox-diet.html

Abs, hey, what's happening on your current cleanse?

You are like my hero on this thing, and your postings are always a good read.

You started 3 or 4 days ahead of me; how's it going?

Missing your wit and sass,

Lemmy

Thanks Lemmy Lem! Lettuce see if I can ketchup ....

I'm on Day 7 over here at 4 am ... this one has been all about hips. Hips don't lie.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Day One. Master Cleanse. 4-19-17

(No idea about the weight. Probably will weigh on Day 10 ... first cleanse I have done with no weighing at all.)







It wasn't so much the events of the last couple of months. The pain came from the story I told myself about those events. I can see that now.




Food; I turned to it for answers, knowing it had no answers to give me. I looked thru all of it for the satisfaction, the numbness at least. But none of it was there anymore. No satisfaction.




It is like; I would imagine going back to my "home town" would be. In fact much of what has happened has been all about that.




I used to imagine that one day I would escape the Home Town. That I would go away and be horrifically outstandingly mind numbingly successful. And I didn't think that I would return. Ever. I would leave and not come back. I like that I had 100% closure then. Maybe that is why I managed to get away?




But this last couple of months was like some kind of spell.




My mind went places. I would go back to the home town and I would show off. Like the movie montage where you step out of a limousine and you have miles of legs, high heels and gold dust shoots thru the air.




My friend who died suddenly of a heart attack, he was-is-was from the childhood time. We would tell one another stories of our escape as kids. Ironic he ended up in NYC and I, in LA. A world apart. And now I can't even tell myself that he's on the big flat earth rock anymore. He's Dead. Dude.




That song, James Taylor, "I see Fire and I see Rain. I see sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought I would see your face, one more time again."




To deal with his death, his sudden ... non-existence ... I let the exercise take over. I am talking 2-4-6 hours a day of movement. Like it was in my childhood. It helped. And the fact is after the last Master Cleanse I had massive energy. I would imagine that is what it is like to be a dog. Or a cat. I turned into a high energy animal who needed to run it off.




Because my Mother visits LA twice a year I also knew I could use the cleanse, the exercise, the fruitarian-ism of it all to make a point. Somehow she would finally listen to me. Somehow she would finally see.




Now of course I think about this idea, this plot of mine .... and I think ... "hmmmm not the finest moment of clear thinking yes?"




She says that what happened is because she's getting Alzheimer's. But. Is it? Or has she always been this forgetful and inconsiderate and narcissistic? I mean. My Mother broke up her marriage to my Father by sleeping with the Father of my Best Friend in High School. Is that at the top of "Dick Moves?" or what? Granted my Father was a relentless abusive scary alcoholic. Mom insists that he never abused her. So he just abused his ... children then? Oh well then that's all good. She was abusive too. There was apparently a long line to get into.




Wow. That's quite a paragraph.




Stuff you are never supposed to talk about right?




Anyhow.




Day 1 Master cleanse #6,786.




I will try to not weigh myself.




I will try to get to 10 days.




This one is for my actual brains. They feel scrambled and not like tofu.

Day 3


My hips ache both sides as if I have bilateral bursitis and need a walker. Ice helps that. So does gentle movement.

Day 5


So I was wondering today for real if I was just some crazy ass masochist determined to destroy myself.

What is that term? Oh yes Sassochist? Suicidal Masochist; sassy! Extra Ass!




Cause our thoughts go pretty crazy when we do not eat. I eat; it's just a liquid diet made up of cayenne pepper and lots of it and very strong .... lemons from a local tree ... so so strong and maple syrup. Monkey mind does go crazy Has a lot to say. None of it is helpful.




For days now not just writer's block, but intense physical pain in both hips. So much so that I have had to mentally prepare myself when I move anywhere. Sad. Getting better now. It was horrid like I had giant nails in both hips.




Hubs pretty much begged me to come to the gym with him today. I almost never refuse to go. He says, "Just get in the sauna? Come on just get in the car, it'll be fun."




Of course he has no clue I am Master Cleansing.

Day 7




She was a Four am Fruitarian




I sleep 4-6 hours most nights on the Master Cleanse (and when my fruity diet is perfect, same amount of time) I love being up early waiting for the sun to come up. It's a delight. The sleep on Mater Cleanse is wonderful. Warm, healing, cells all smoothing out sleep. Hurry up sunrise!




Back aches. Am laying on a massage table which is helpful. Chamomile tea is also helpful.



Two days ago, post gym, the hip pain reached crazy levels! I mean laying in bed googling "Hip pain and Master Cleanse!" levels and feeling like I was gunna die. Also I was starving. Tempted. Wanted saltines of all things.



For awhile I was blaming the fact that I made a lasagna for hubs on Day 5 and the smell was so so good! I don't even eat lasagna, but I wanted it. Don't eat animals, but I wanted it. It was so annoying. LOL! Plus I could barely walk.



Here's what I know about the Master Cleanse. When you are "hungry" and think you must eat and you crave XYZ, that is when the body is doing major internal work. Resist, don't do it, don't eat whatever silly nonsense it is that you think you want. Get to 10 days. Why? Because you already invested time. See it thru. What I do is when it gets bad like that, I get in bed, or sit down, fold up my body and just distract myself until it passes. It does pass friends!



Same with physical symptoms. They pass. The hip pain vanished Day 6. I was able to walk to the thrift store. three miles. A bit slow, but I could walk! I threw off my crutches!



*televanagist voice!* Demons in my hips! Be gone!



Of course I passed a dozen gallstones on the morning of Day 6 ... and after that felt pretty decent. And had almost no hunger. Amazing how fast things turn around on the MC. Bionic healing it is.



I swear thrifting and trying on clothes keeps me on Master Cleanse so so well. As Madonna says, we're living in a material world ....

Wow, wow, and wow some more, Abbey girl!

You are hanging in there like a champ. Keep writing. It is sad to read about your childhood, but you are clearly a champion today in many ways.

Yes, I love the sleep on the MC, too. I get 7 or 7.5 hours of it a night, very difficult to achieve when I'm eating my normal diet.

I am so impressed with your will power. Making lasagna would be just about the hardest thing for me to do right now, but you did it while your hips were hurting, on top of all the smells and temptation.

I am proud of you for making it past the hip pain and getting to Day 7.

How are you doing now?

Hugs, Lemmy

Day 8 Master Cleanse



I feel like I'm carrying Stanley Burroughs' Love Child.




My belly is all swollen up and it feels like I weigh one million pounds. Distended abdomen, gurgling guts. It sounds like those doors that open really slowly and loudly in Count Dracula's Castle. Seriously." Hello, my Dear Count. I just came over to see if you had a cup of blood I could borrow? We ran out and I'm not in the mood for Aldi." Pretty sure some clever sound engineer followed a Master Cleanse at some point.




It's painful! But not unbearable. Yesterday had a tinge of the "unbearable" to it. The Unbearable Lightness of Master Cleanse.




I must be detoxing like a mofo. It gets better each time I go to the toilet. If ya know what I mean. And you probably do (doo-doo) if you are reading this!




I just tried on a vintage dress that makes me want to cry it is so so beautiful. Cry for me, cause Argentina won't! Cry me a river of lemon juice and maple syrup and then sprinkle cayenne on it. That's Hot! Like the dress!




I got it on Saturday and today is Wednesday and it is so much closer to fitting! It's 1970's made of silk and fully lined to the floor with a groovy very bright print. The base color is emerald green. I really want to wear it to an art opening on May 5th! That would be Day 3457 of this Master Cleanse. (I kid. It would be Day Nearly Almost Not Even 20 ... and I can only plan to get to Day 10 right now cause it is evening and I am D-Y-I-N-G!) They stab me with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast.




My hands and feet go ice cold when I am detoxing heavily. I had a morning of no hunger at all and energy, good energy. Not great energy, not fruit high no occlusion energy ... but better than Day 7. Unlucky Day 7.




I was able to get out and see the sites with the humans. Human Beans! I heard a lot today about the New Aldi that has caused so much controversy in our towne. It's a German store, related to Trader Joes. They built a monstrosity here that looks like a ... really tall prison. People were hanging signs on the building saying stuff like "Aldi's Penitentiary." Town meetings were people yelling at the town counsil for being successfully bribed. Them townes peoples had tar and feathers ... Aldi had Toaster Tarts (aka pop tarts) and Fruit Rounds (aka fruit loops) as a peace offering.




Anyhow.




The point is. Aldi. Has insanely cheap food. All food I don't eat of course. But my hubs, Mister Squeegy, he eats this crap. So we're talking about ten cents for bread, 25 cents for cheese. 39 cents for eggs. It is completely insane. And my Achilles heel has to be the combination of cooked food that is free and or food that is incredibly cheap.




Last night with FOUR loaves of 10 cent bread in the kitchen I wanted to shove bread in my mouth. You know ... to ... taste it. Which reminds me, I met a lady on the internet during my first ever 55 day long juice fast. She told me that if I ever got desperate, I should chew up food and then spit it out. *my face!* Ummmm ... I said, "Yeah. No. Honey No. That's an eating disorder. No beuno muchachita!"




Free and cheap and easy food is my whore. And then tonight I realized. Oh holy crap. That weakness is from wanting to be ... smaller and less trouble to my parents. Less expensive. AND ... further. It's about only fattening food I do not eat. Free food, party food ... also a weakness! It took me years to be able to throw free food away. .Seriously, there is no free lunch. Nein! Nadda! Zippo, Nilch-a-rino. There's 10 cent bread. Which no one should eat. Not even the Germans!




... Today I was making tea and realization almost kicked my legs out..... when my Mother did give me attention it was because she was dangling me like an ornament. Like my physical self meant a lot to her. But only when I was thin. She hates herself also if she gets fat. She would deny this on a autographed copy of Gloria Steinem's Biography! First edition; signed! Entitled; It's Not About the Bike, it's about The Rose Parade Court!




So when I did get fat, I know it disappointed her. Profoundly. And part of me was very happy about that. The Fat Part.




Later when losing weight, much of it was about revenge. Like ... "You hated me fat, but you'll love me when I am thin." Right?




It's really very sad the webs we weave. And the string we use? Yoyo diets were built on such things.




I feel like I am getting some terribly painful form of therapy. If my next post is about penis envy ... well ... I had it coming. <----- see what I did there?







(I just read about a Master Cleanse healing crisis that involved a four hour erection, so I have peen on the mind.)



I do coffee enemas when it gets horribly hard. And today I felt drunk after one. I mean I honestly asked myself ... "wait? Did I screw up and drink alchie-haul? Nopers. Just the joys of detox.