Whoa whoa whoa!
Gooood morning from canada there buddy!
First and foremost I want to congratulate you on having the guts to take a few steps back and observe your taken - and yet to take - paths. People get soo wrapped up in the moment and their own universe that all they see is the first few steps ahead of them, but not the rest of the trail! As such things CAN spiral 'out of control' or a comfort level is found where it may be unhealthy!
I believe the old addage of 'a messy house (or room or desk) means a just as cluttered mind'. There are variations of this quote but the meaning is the same. As I look around my desk I have to laugh, there is order in my chaos but it's really just a small pile compared to what it used to be
The same can be said for yourself if you think the addage may be true for you.
There was a time when my old apartment was a half disaster most of the time, clutter on my desk but sparkly clean on the man's... you can totally see two different worlds. I was drinking pretty often (with coworkers, but still toooo often to be healthy hah) and gained a bunch of weight, bitched and whined about it but never did too much. A lot of things happened over a small period of time, I have done and said things I have regretted but learned to accept - ah.. growing pains of the young 20-somethings... But, why frett over it now? What's the point of worrying or thinking about it if there's nothing I can do? And why worry or get upset if I CAN do something about it (whatever that IT is lol) But now that I've spent more quality time with my brain to accept and sort things out. As such our new condo is usually pretty damn clean and my silly messiness has drastically changed.
But 'nuff about that I wanted to post an example that change can happen and you're not the only one to have been in a dark rutt! It takes guts and insight to look back and examin and DEAL AND ACCEPT with the emotions and situations of the past! Yes, it can hurt, what if this what if that, why did they do this, why didn't I do that, why why why and if if if. Sometimes it is best to not disect the situation and take it for what it is, and sometimes the opposite. You have that decision to make dear
Good for you for setting that goal and striving with determination to do some 'spring cleaning' of your mind, body, heart and soul
. Life is too short to get stuck on 'things' and 'people'... YOU only have one body, and are just another traveller of life like the rest of us. If I can make a suggestion, but feel free ot not take it haha, I'm just a shmoe reading and writing on some forums afterall! But - if at all possible, learn to quiet the mind, whether it's meditation or spend more time looking within and just you know - love yourself
When's the last time you took the time to just - look up at the stars? Or enjoy a nice quiet walk in some scenic route or just for fun head to a book store and pick up a book on a topic you enjoy - why not?
Sometimes I find that people are soo busy with their own little world to even remember to take some time out for themselves and quiiiet the mind a bit - everything has to be for a purpose, why not just 'be'?
The MC for whatever reason I have found through reading all the blogs seems to help people get 'grounded' and in touch with themselves, so congrats on taking the first step!
HAH ranting me is ranting sorry - take a look up at the sky when you next have time